Ahh kittens, gather round, for today’s topic will hit home for all of you – whether you are a first time preggo or mom of 14 (and if you have more than 4 kids, we’re also staring at you and judging you, FYI). All you have to be or have been at some point in your life, is a showing preggo, to know what I’m going to gab about today……the preggo zoo.
That’s right. The public’s right to mercilessly stare and comment on the comings, goings, growing size, and general demeanour and “glow” of a preggo. It’s like freaking feeding time at the zoo, being a showing preggo, now isn’t it?
We have gabbed on this one here before but does this topic ever get old? Have you really forgotten how pissed off you used to be as a preggo when people would gape as if you were a circus freak with 5 heads and a big goiter?
I mean really.
But see, the truth is, when I’m not preggo, I totally stare too.
A KT BFF started this yesterday when she emailed in from the Boston airport all pissed off and sick and tired of people staring at her cute preggo self. She’s pretty. She knows they are looking because she’s a good looking preggo – as we all are/were – but still – it doesn’t make it less annoying. She’s not being carried through the freaking airport like Cleopatra on her chariot with her Roman man slaves jogging along side – so why the staring?
I know why I stare, do you know why you stare?
I stare for the following reasons:
I wonder how far along she is. I wonder if she’s having a boy or a girl. I wonder if she is a clueless first time mom and has any idea what kind of ordeal she is getting herself into, or if she’s an old hat and well, she’s just glad to have a break from the other kid and quietly read a magazine.
Usually I can tell by the bags under her eyes if she’s already got another kid at home.
The truth is, my staring is usually pretty innocuous. I generally am not judging her size, or checking to see if her hands are so swollen that she can’t jam her ring on her finger anymore. If she is wearing something really hideous, odds are I am judging her for that and wondering why she couldn’t have tried a little harder. But for the most party, my stares are with good intent.
But here’s the rub, I”m still staring and well, for anyone who knows me, I’m not subtle in my stares.
And having recently been a preggo, the truth is, no one is subtle in their stares.
Preggos are fascinating to stare at for many reasons – whether it is acceptable to do so or not. Look, plenty of people stare at me and the girls as we are trying to get someplace and if it’s annoying at me – I just glare at them like I’m going to come kill them and their family next….sometimes I even mouth in venom “I know where you live, mother f’er” – so I think that with parenthood, comes staring, like it or not. We all get stared at.
It’s the comments that are really unacceptable. And NO ONE really dares comment to a mother trying to wrestle one of her twerps some place, but plenty of people comment to a preggo.
I think they believe they can make a comment to a preggo because they assume with the pending birth of a child and motherhood, you are nice and sweet and nurturing and want to be talked too. The truth is, I was more bitchy and obnoxious as a preggo than I am now, so I let plenty of people and their dumb comments, have it.
The problem here is this – I am preaching to the choir. You all know how it enrages you to be told “You have gotten so much bigger from the last time I saw you” or worse, as a second time preggo “Wow, girl, you look like you are ready any day” – when the truth is you have 8 weeks left. That particular one really chapped my ass.
So what can we do? We can never comment to a preggo beyond “You look adorable” or “I love your outfit” and we can try to be as subtle as possible with our stares…..right, kittens?