Seriously, who leaves a place called “Bunnyland” super pissed off, I wondered to myself on Monday as we headed back to the car.
As we headed into week two of spring break (umm….I am not on board with breaks from school, FYI), me and the girls packed into the car for another trip to a farm…on yet another cold and almost rainy spring day (umm…where the f is spring this year?). This time we were headed to “Bunnyland” – hog heaven for three year olds…..open fields with bunnies, spring chicks, lambs, moonbounces, big slides, an easter egg hunt, hay rides. Seriously – what could be stressful about that trip?
And this time I loaded DD2 into the Bjorn, instead of the stroller, figuring though my back would be crying “Mercy”, it still would be easier than the stroller because DD1 wouldn’t need a ride on this trip. I hadn’t considered how difficult it is to get shoes back on a wriggly squirmy three year old after a trip in the Moonbounce, with a 15 pound baby strapped to my chest, when making this executive decision.
I also never considered lazy as hell mothers and obnoxious pre-teens when venturing out to Bunnyland.
And so began my journey to the point of rage in this otherwise innocent, spring-time outing. So let’s get to it. Will I become one of these worthless parents, I wondered, after more time at home?
Why do parents bring their children to public places to then not pay attention to them? Why was I helping some 2-year old down the slide while her mom talked on her cell phone, not paying attention? I could have swiped the kid. Get off your f’ing phone, I wanted to shout to her. I’ve got my own kids to pay attention to.
And then there was the tricycles. Umm…get your f’ing kid off the tricycle when there is a line of other toddlers waiting patiently (which in itself is shocking) and your kid has ridden around and around and around for 15 minutes. Saying outloud each time he passes “ok johnny, this is your last time, we need to share” – doesn’t actually get him off the bike. And guess what, we all know it’s easier to let them keep riding because then you stand there and gossip with your friend instead of dealing with the inevitable tantrum – but I don’t give a shit. Get your kid off the tricycle. We eventually had to abandon the tricycles without riding as I said very loudly “It’s nice that you waited in line for SO LONG while the other kids didn’t SHARE” as I glared at the lazy as hell moms and continued to the fateful egg hunt. Next time, I’ll handle it much less passive aggressively, trust me.
Ahh…the egg hunt…where I ripped into some aggressive 12 year old pre-teen who pummeled my kid to rip an egg out of her hands.
“DO NOT trample toddlers for eggs. Where are your manners. Go find another egg and leave the little kids alone.”
I shouted to her – in a fit of rage in bunnyland.
Why was I playing offense and defense in bunnyland? What the hell? What was sweet and innocent about this trip?
Fortunately, DD1 had a great time in Bunnyland and was pretty oblivious to all the other chaos happening around her. Meanwhile, I could feel my blood pressure rising. I swear, having two kids has made me even less judgmental of other parents because now I am barely faking it until I make it – but lazy parents who stand around and aren’t courteous to other kids and don’t even pay attention to their own brats really PISS me off. If I reach the point of so zoned out in mommyland that I become this way, well then, that’s the first sign that it’s time for me to go back to work.