And for anyone who thought little girls weren’t inspired by Obama – like they were for Hillary – check it out, kittens:
Preggo v. Beast October 27, 2008
I have a mortal enemy in my neighborhood. They say you get more emotional in the 9th month of your pregnancy – are they also including anger and hatred or just tears? Because I actually want to inflict violence upon my enemy. I’m not above water-boarding for this enemy. I might have even asked my husband if it was time to get a gun or at least start throwing rocks.
What has happened to me?
I will tell you – a SQUIRREL.
Though DD affectionately thinks they are chipmunks.
Though you might not think she’s so sweet when you hear her shouting at the door “Get away chipmunk, I’m going to get you! No one likes you. Mommy! Mommy! The chipmunk is back!”
My sister pointed out that I am teaching my three-year old to hate God’s creatures.
But this one squirrel is my mortal enemy. I could pick him out of a line-up. In fact, I want the satisfaction of doing just that.
Justice will be mine before this fall ends. I promise you this. I am a preggo on a mission.
It started when he would dig out my flowers from my flower box in my front window. He is brazen. He has no regard for exterior fall decor. What could he possibly have wanted in my flower box? To dig his nuts?
Yeah well, find somewhere else for that buck-o. I’ll dig your nuts right out.
Over a working lunch one day, I was lamenting my face-off with this squirrel and how he was killing my beautiful fall mum display and, well, I wanted to kill him. Someone suggested I, instead, sprinkle hot pepper flakes in the dirt – the squirrels don’t like this and it’s a non-violent solution to a problem.
So I did it. But it didn’t really work and my mums were already dead. I failed at teaching my DD the non-violence approach in life.
But then, squirrel bastard kicked it up a few notches. Those of you who know and love my DD know that there is no bigger holiday in the calendar year than Halloween for her – and this is a gal who not only blends in with pumpkins in a patch but LOVES pumpkins.
So off we went to two different patches and she selected the most perfect pumpkin (or maybe I did.)
This pumpkin should have graced the cover of a Martha Stewart magazine. He was so perfectly round and had this tall dramatic stem that really made him distinguished. I searched long and hard for him and it was like the skies parted when I spotted him.
He was a distinguished pumpkin. My kid loves pumpkins so she was going to get the most perfect pumpkin on the eastern seaboard.
R.I.P. Distinguished Pumpkin because what did I come home too on Thursday evening?
An otherwise lovely fall evening in the DC burbs?
MY ENEMY was on my front step, staring me down, EATING MY DISTINGUISHED PUMPKIN.
Oh no kittens, not just a few teeth marks here and there – but he gnawed almost a full circle beneath the perfect stem and then ATE A HOLE through the middle of the perfectly round belly of my pumpkin.
He DESTROYED my pumpkin.
And was staring at me, on my front steps, as if to say “is that all you got lady? you couldn’t have done better?”
I was livid. First it was my mum flower box display but now this.
Why does he hate on Fall so much, this enemy of mine? And why can’t he go bother someone else’s flower boxes and pumpkins?
I immediately began looking around the lawn for the biggest rock I could find, wanting to hurl it at this enemy at mach 10 speed, with no regard for how my behavior might influence my DD. This squirrel had raised the stakes.
Unfortunately, we don’t have a zen rock garden in my front yard, so there was really no rocks to be found, so I did the next best thing, I covered the pumpkin in hot pepper and hot red pepper flakes. Like a mad woman, I dashed into the house, grabbed the spices and just started dumping them all over the pumpkin.
I was going to get him.
I was going to ruin that pumpkin before he thought he could enjoy any more of his early Thanksgiving feast. Maybe last Thursday was Canadian Thanksgiving. It probably was because the stupid squirrels actually originated in Canada. Seriously, those Canucks are ruining everything.
I left the storm door shut and tried to peacefully feed DD dinner but I was OBSESSED with trolling for this squirrel and witnessing him suffering from the misery of a mouth full of pepper. I wanted to see him roiling in pain, curled up, gasping for breath.
Not only did I NOT get that satisfaction but the damn thing LIKED the pepper and had eaten more of my pumpkin by the time I walked back to the door.
Has this squirrel been sent by the McCain campaign, in retaliation of my newly acquired Obama yard signs, I began to wonder?
Was negative squirrel attacks the new way to incite anger in the liberal Maryland suburbs of DC? Was I meant to start believing in the NRA?
Because I was getting close.
And teaching my kid how to shout like a regular old sailor, while I was at it.
So then I was left with no options, I had to bring the remaining two pumpkins inside and also bring in the eaten up beautiful pumpkin. I could not risk losing more pumpkins to my lurking enemy, nor could I dare leave the half-eaten pumpkin out front for the mice and squirrels to party all night long on, at my expense.
I ordered DH to immediately disregard said pumpkin in the trash – and while he followed these instructions, he failed to sweep the remaining few pumpkin seeds off my front steps.
So what awaited us on Friday morning when we opened the door?
The pumpkin seeds were all gone and there were SHIT PELLETS all over our front steps.
Did the squirrel crap on my steps in retaliation?
Is he always going to have a leg-up on me?
Can I really be living this?
I will admitt to some minor satisfaction when I noticed he ate through my neighbor’s three pumpkins because we had taken away the fall harvest from our front steps.
But what has this world come too when squirrels are ruining the lovely site of pumpkins on the front steps of every home in a suburb just days before Halloween?
I am an angry preggo and my work is not done with this squirrel. Oh no. I will not rest until I win.
A real woman of the people October 22, 2008
OK really – this is one i can’t avoid…….
Politico is reporting today that the RNC shelled out $150K for Sarah Palin and her family in CLOTHES in August and September:
WTF – really?
Wow – she’s really one of the people as she claims every day – day in and day out – one of the few talking points she can stick too and say with any clarity.
I don’t know about you – but I have no trouble considering myself a “real American” even though I live on the east coast in a large city – the hated Washington – and yet – I’m pretty sure I’m not going on shopping sprees to Neimans and Saks…..particularly while mouthing off about how much I care about “Joe the Plumber”
The hypocrisy never ceases to amaze me, coming from the McCain-Palin campaign.
Check out Kos today if you want to read more:
Pajama Drama October 20, 2008
As we are three years into this parenthood gig, DH and I have both internalized the reality that really nothing should surprise us. But frankly, I have to admitt, I now am headed into a two-year ordeal with pajamas and it can be confusing…and surprising at times.
I wonder if I am alone – surely there are others out there suffering from the great torture inflicted on them after a pleasant bath time when the…gasp…WRONG PJs are offered to the toddler?
Let’s go back in time.
Summer 2007 – I thought I was SO tricky and grabbed a bunch of one-piece fleece sleepers for DD when they were on deep discount at Nordstrom. I mean really – who doesn’t love the one-piece fleece sleepers? And with the way my kid eats breakfast and refuses to wear a bib, I swooped up like seven of them.
Come Fall 2007 and I quickly learned two things:
1. My child, in fact, is the grinch of one-piece fleece sleepers. She HATED THEM. Actually, more than anything, she was still in that obnoxious phase of hating being on her back, so getting her to lay back so we could get her into the sleeper was a task even black opps special forces just back from Iraq weren’t up for.
2. One-piece fleece sleepers are NOT helpful when potty training a child who gives you minus three seconds warning that they need to go pee pee.
SO, all the one-piece fleece sleepers got packed up and off I went, begrudgingly, to purchase many more TWO PIECE fleece PJs without the feet. I mean – why are kids PJs so freaking expensive? I don’t even spend $20+ on my own PJs.
So now fast forward to Summer 2008. Once again, I’m in the Carter’s outlet store and I think I am a freaking GENIUS. The two piece fleece PJs are on sale, I swoop up five pairs – each one a different color and theme – your garden variety dog, kitty, hippos, princess, etc. By now, not only do I think I’m so clever because I know not to waste my $$$ on one-piece sleepers but I’m also getting them on sale. I freaking rule.
Or so I think.
Enter cooler fall temperatures recently.
By now, I’m schooled enough with the toddler set to know that you must offer a choice – you want doggie or kitty cat PJs tonight? They need to be in control and the final decision maker. Or so they think.
But see – that’s not enough.
What I never expected was this –
ONLY DOGGIE WILL DO.
It’s like her eyes are burning when she is offered the cat, hippo or princess pjs. Note -the ONLY difference between these guilty PJs and the dog ones are this: color and theme – one small dog or one small cat.
But apparently this difference is really a sticking point. To her it’s like the difference between voting Obama or McCain. (Obama is obviously the dog here).
So – what happens when DOGGIE PJs are DIRTY?
I bet some of you know.
The tantrum of the year happens, the kicking, the screaming, the sobbing, the begging, the drama..the pajama drama…..the others are cast aside, thrown to the floor in total disgust, DD is begging for doggie, as if we are torturing her. And at first, we are totally amused because this is so ridiculous..but after time passes, KT hears herself begging DH to make a run to Macys at lunch on Monday as his TOP priority of the day- in a desperate search for like 5 more pairs of the SAME doggie PJs.
DH suggests we just put her to bed in her diaper and let her see how that feels and then maybe she’ll change her ‘tude about poor old hippo tonight.
And once again, I am defeated.
I have lost the battle of the PJ’s.
Two years in a row.
So what will I do next year?
I will probably buy several pair of PJs in ONE THEME – thereby limiting options. Maybe third time will be a charm.
I’ll let you know in 2009 how that strategy works out for me. But I guarantee you this, when pregnant the first time, I never considered just how much time and strategic thinking I would put into PJs.
The Final Debate October 16, 2008
I’m sure I’m not the only one who is glad the presidential debates are now done. Last night’s debate didn’t reveal a lot of new insights into either candidate, I thought Obama continued to demonstrate how calm, cool and collected he is no matter how aggressively he is being attacked. And for anyone watching on a split-screen, I think there is no doubt that McCain is a grumpy old man who can barely contain himself.
That being said, in the final thirty minutes of the final debate, FINALLY an issue directly related to women’s issues was raised – it’s about freaking time people. I mean -all hail Bob Schieffer for thinking outside the box and asking some different questions last night – and I was thrilled when he raised the issue of Roe V. Wade and appointing Supreme Court Justices. Amen brother. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the outcome of this election is vitally important because the next new president will either tilt the Supreme Court to being completely conservative and republican or will help maintain some balance with their appointees.
In case you were dozing off by this late hour, I’d like to be sure that you all noticed the part where McCain sneered and mocked Obama, in his attempt to cow-tail to the extreme right pro-lifers, and mocked the importance of “the health of the mother.”
Ahh yes….that funny old thing about the health of a pregnant woman…..I had forgotten about how freaking HILARIOUS that is because it’s so unimportant when instead considering the vitality and strength of the fetus. Indeed, silly me. Silly Obama. Silly us – whatever were we thinking to care about the health of a pregnant woman?
In case you missed it, here’s a link:
So far, I’ve enjoyed this succinct recap of last night’s debates the most:
Soon we’ll need to return to talking about DD as she approaches her third birthday and some thoughts I have on a second pregnancy as it’s nearing an end….but I had to just get the McCain sneers off my chest first…..
Questions for Palin on Teen Pregnancy………… October 9, 2008
……..and other various things circulating around about the McCain-Palin campaign.
If you are like me, you joined in with MomsRising in submitting questions to Gwen Ifil to be asked during last week’s VP debates. The viral email campaign was focused on issues important to women and it would be nice to know how Sarah Palin and Joe Biden would have responded to them. If you watched the debate, you know the only social issue that was asked of the candidates was about gay marriage – which is certainly an important topic – but I was still very disappointed that issues of teen pregnancy, sex education, federally mandated maternity leave, child care, and health care for children didn’t come up. I remained disappointed on Tuesday when none of these issues came up with Brokaw and the “Town Hall” debate.
That being said, one of many things about Sarah Palin that infuriates me beyond my ability to even express coherently is her extremely conservative position on teen sex education, particularly with a pregnant teenage daughter. Again, I absolutely believe that teens ought to be taught that abstinence is the best decision but I also live in reality and believe teens should be offered sex education and taught about the importance of contraceptives. There is a great oped in today’s Post about this very issue along with Palin’s position:
But wouldn’t it be nice to hear directly from Palin on these issues?
If the McCain camp is hailing her performance during last week’s debate as such a great success, then why haven’t they taken her out of hiding? Why are they still shielding her from the media? When is she going to sit down with the major newspapers in this country and conduct an interview and tell us what she thinks? When is she going to parade through the Sunday morning talk shows like every other candidate for president and vice president?
When is she going to be treated just like every other candidate?
And did you find yourself wondering exactly what people woud have done if Hillary had ever winked at the camera during a debate?
The woman couldn’t even wear a shirt that showed the slightest bit of cleavage without being villified. When are we going to realize that finding Palin “cute” and “folksy” is every bit as sexist as villifying Hillary Clinton for wearing a slightly cleavage bearing shirt…..or as the McCain camp is for protecting the scared candidate from the horrible elitist media? What’s remarkable is how much Palin exploits this to her advantage and cries foul when trying to distract from the fact that she is weak on substance.
Finally, if you are doubtful that Palin’s youngest child is actually her own child and not that of her eldest daughter, then go ahead and read what Andrew Sullivan posted yesterday….
Here is a link to the most scathing piece on McCain I’ve read yet. Frankly, criticizing him as a POW makes even me VERY uncomfortable:
Now let’s end this entry with some perspective on where McCain stands in terms of foreign policy and funding women’s reproductive health overseas. In case you missed it in yesterday’s NYT, Kristoff has a very depressing and important column on how the Bush administration is “quietly” cutting off funding of birth control to clinics in Africa…oh…and McCain stands lock-step with Bush on this policy:
Obama, however, supports UN funded programs to support family planning.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m an Obama Mamma.
VP Debate Wrap Report October 7, 2008
I’m still wiping the puke from my mouth from all the times Palin winked at the camera last week…and her mention of the Castro Brothers….so instead, really, what more can I say after reading Richard Cohen’s recap in today’s Washington Post. It’s a must-read: