Kitty Time

Motherhood, babies, life, celebrities, politics…kitty’s claws come out when she’s in the mood.

Pimp my house, yo September 30, 2008

Filed under: Husbands,Motherhood,Nanny — Wired_Momma @ 4:33 pm

Like all customers, it started innocently enough….I just got my feet wet….but before I knew it, I’d become the Elliot Spitzer of the home project world with my nanny as my pimp.

Sure, I’m not crossing state lines with prostitutes and I’m pretty sure the FBI isn’t surveilling me but seriously, I am ADDICTED.

See, I used to think I needed a wife. Now I’ve realized I have something better – a nanny. I tell her what I want done, she finds me the right people for the right price and before I know it – they are at my house, wrapping up various odds and ends. I come home from work and it’s all done. Finished. Complete. With no real effort on my part.

It’s like being a man and just showing up one day and getting a baby!

What prompted all of this?

The same thing that leads blossoming politicians and presidents astray, I’m sure, I just got tired of waiting for my DH to get it done.

It began with just some leaves being cleaned up and bagged and taken away. They’d been in that corner of our yard for THREE YEARS. With that first time, I was nervous and I didn’t tell my spouse, I just arranged for the job to get done. What I forgot was he would be home that day to take DD to school and he called saying “Who is Jose and why is he in our yard?”

HA – busted.

But see, Jose came and he took it all away and that corner of my back yard never looked better.

So I was hooked. What else was bothering me? What else needed done and the response from DH was always this: “I’ll get to it.”

Uh huh…sure you will.

As it turns out, there is SO MUCH to be done around the house…and the nanny has someone for everything.

Now DH is fully on board with this..he doesn’t even ask…he just acknowledges when something is fixed and nods his head. He sees the beauty in the nanny as our pimp. I am in hog heaven. Things have never been so clean, so organized and so expeditiously done chez moi.

So for all of you who also joined me in believing you need a wife – it turns out it’s not true! You just need a nanny as your pimp – and I’d recommend you cut your husband out of the process – just tell her what you need, settle on a price – and get it done. It’s magical.


Early Riser Police September 26, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood — Wired_Momma @ 3:29 pm

Well kittens….I’ve reached a conclusion. After three weeks without the passie and consistent 5am wake-ups, its time for a new approach chez moi.

I kept holding out hope that DD would inch her way back to waking somewhere after 6am, as she’d been doing for some time, but now that so much time has passed, it’s clear to me that I need a new plan of attack.

Some of you might be wondering what’s taken me so long to reach this moment of clarity….but if you combine the sleeplessness that comes with your third trimester in combo with a toddler waking you up every day at 5am, it makes moments of clarity few and far between. But the time has come.

So what am I going to do, you wonder?

Get out my whistle and police siren….because the KT sheriff has pulled into town and she’s as bad as she wants to be, that’s what I’m going to do!

In other words, the old “OK, now you need to be a big girl and if you wake up and it’s still dark outside, that means you need to go back to sleep and wait until the sun comes up” – logic is clearly not working. I know she understands. But here’s the difference – she doesn’t care.

And we’ve already established this is a child who will NOT let you climb into bed with her and cuddle her back to sleep, nor will she come into our bed to cuddle up and go back to sleep, or really even watch cartoons. So, I’m going to quit rewarding her.

Starting tomorrow morning, I’ll put her on the potty, put her in some underpants, then put her back in her room and tell her she doesn’t come downstairs until the sun is up. No more playing, no cartoons, not when it’s the middle of the night.

This will go over about as successfully as McCain’s pathetic ploy to delay the debates and demonstrate leadership.

But I will stand firm. I’m prepared for her to scream and shout and carry on and for there to be much drama for many days until she finally realizes that my will outlast hers.

What time will I pull her out? Who knows. The ideal would be to leave her up until 6:30 – being realistic. Of course anytime after 7am is really ideal, but I’m living in reality. I’m thinking to even get to 6am will be enough because it’s not like she’ll just quietly acquiesce and play for 45 minutes. But mark my words, victory will be mine and we will eventually get to 6:30am.

We’re going head-to-head.

So if you find yourself up at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow morning, know that I’m right there with you, playing bad ass with a determined 3-year old who clearly thinks she doesn’t need her beauty sleep.

I will report back in next week with how this approach is going.


HMW Seeking 1HS September 23, 2008

Filed under: Husbands,Motherhood — Wired_Momma @ 2:38 pm

You might be wondering what it is, I’m seeking, exactly.

Well, as die-hard KT fans know (and there are thousands of you), almost two years ago I blogged about being a Happily Married Wife (HMW) in search of well, a wife:

Right now, my demands are much less, my expectations much lower, perhaps parenthood continues to get the best of me and beat me down, who knows. This time around, I’m just a HMW seeking 1 Hour of Sleep. (1HS)

Why? you ask.

Let me tell you.

Seems that the disposal of the passie has worked out just great for DD but not so awesome for DH and myself. In fact, on Sunday night we jokingly (though secretly not jokingly) talked about giving her back the passie just to get that one more hour of sleep.

You got it kittens, DD has resorted to her old baby-like ways and now rises for the day EVERY DAY in the 5am hour. There is no coaxing her back to sleep, or coaxing her into our bed, or even zoning out in front of “Diego.”

She is up and raring to go. She wants to PLAY!

The cruel twist of fate! Who would have guessed that by torturing her with forcing her to bid adieu to her beloved passie, she would turn the tables on us and torture us, seemingly indefinitely.  Ahh, the wily and unexpected tricks of the toddler-set. They are always one-step ahead, those toddlers.

The regular 5am wake up is catching up to both of us. Last night after dinner my DH quietly disappeared, after a while, I began to wonder where he was. It was 8:15pm.

Oh, he was in bed sleeping, with all the lights on, faking like he really wasn’t down for the night.

Probably dreaming of passie fairies making their grand and unexpected return to our home, delivering that one big wish we have, just one more hour of sleep.

Anyhow – clearly we aren’t giving her back the passie so that we can sleep an hour longer. But you better believe that I am looking into resurrecting Mothers Against Daylight Savings (MADS – remember that from last year: because it will, of course, become a 4am wake-up call for at least one week after the time changes.

All of this with the arrival of the new baby sister on the horizon.

Sleep is clearly over-rated and we are just getting ready for the continued loss of it chez moi, apparently……


Breaking Toddler Addictions September 15, 2008

Filed under: Husbands,Motherhood — Wired_Momma @ 8:29 pm

As anyone who read James Frey’s fiction-nonfiction “A Million Little Pieces” knows, breaking a beloved of an addiction is an ugly thing. It can rip apart families, destroy lives, and wreak havoc on the land.

Turns out, this is also true of toddlers who have an addiction. 

Before I even got pregnant this second time around, I knew that three things had to happen before I brought another child into this world:

1. DD needed to be potty trained. A gal can only change so many diapers.

2. DD needed to be sleeping in a big girl bed. Parents can only afford so many cribs.

3. DD needed to be broken of her pacifier habit. We only need one baby in the house.

And as I’m into my third trimester, I achieved the first two with relative ease. We all came away unscathed from the potty training not long after DD’s second birthday and now her third birthday is around the corner. Moving to a regular bed is really unmentionable. I saved the worst for last.

Except by the time we faced down breaking her of the passie, I had learned over and over again that nothing was really as bad as the anticipation thus far, and so instead of dreading this ordeal, frankly, I was naively optimistic about it.

Enter the word addiction.

Most people don’t think of the word addiction going hand-in-hand with a toddler. But indeed, it turns out, they can be BFFs.

We are about 10 days into our passie-free zone, chez moi, and I just now am feeling ready to discuss what went down.

First, a tip. A dear friend tipped me off to the “Passie Fairy” and she learned about it from watching “Super Nanny.”

So I quickly ran out and purchased two presents, one for after each nap on the first dark day of being a passie-free zone – with the idea being that the passie is left for other babies (note: not her future baby sister so as to not be unfairly placing blame on the unborn and defenseless b/c we know toddlers have the memory of an elephant) and in return, upon waking up, the passie fairy leaves a “special present” for brave girls and boys.

Let’s be honest, I’m always looking for an excuse to go shopping anyway, so the whole Passie Fairy ruse just gave me a good reason. Again, I naively thought we wouldn’t really need said gifts.

How many of you are laughing at me right now? Go ahead. Laugh away. I deserve it. Mock at will.

We had been talking about how big girls don’t need passies and passies are for babies for many weeks in our house, leading up to the big day. Friday September 5 was DD’s last night with a passie and I warned her of such, knowing that no toddler takes well to surprises. As I reminded her it was her last night with the passie and the passie fairy was coming tomorrow to take her passies away, but she wouldn’t need them because she is a big girl, she nodded enthusiastically (all the while with her passie in her mouth).

Like any true addict knows, you’ll agree to anything while still being fed your addiction. SURE – the passie fairy sounded like a good idea to her at the time because really, she still had her passie and “special presents” were offered.

So Saturday morning rolls around, it’s time to go up for our morning “quiet time,” therefore it’s time to part ways with the passie.

Note to anyone out there – make sure your partner is present for this initial scene. Mine was outside in the pouring rain from some Hurricane, emptying out our clogged drains and missed it in its entirety.

I took the passie from her and the screaming began. Horrible screaming, begging, pleading for the passie. Begging her mommy, “one more time” for passie.

I couldn’t break. I knew I couldn’t give in. Remember the three rules? We need only one baby in the house come late November.

So up the stairs we went, DD aggressively kicking, screaming and begging for passie all the while.

Much to my surprise, she would not even GO INTO her bedroom, let alone face her bed.

And the reality starting sinking in….in my fragile, emotional preggo state – this is going to be a rough weekend….

Long story short, I didn’t fight her and back down the stairs we went, kicking and screaming and begging for the passie, all the while.

DH enters the house about 20 minutes later to peace and quiet because we stopped begging for the passie due to the excitement over the “Special Present” the passie fairy left.

So we bought ourselves some time.

Then came time for the afternoon nap. This one, she needs. And by this time, she was tired.

Two hours kittens.

She cried, begged, pleaded and asked for her passie for TWO HOURS, fighting her nap all the while. We listened to it on the monitor and ignored it. She didn’t cry really hard, obviously we wouldn’t let that go on for so long, but she eventually fell asleep for about half hour. Then woke up sobbing, begging for her passie. I went upstairs and she could barely eek out the words. “mommy, can I please have my p-puh-puh….Mommy, can I please have my Pa-pu-pa..

in between the sobs

Finally the third time “Mommy, can I please have my passie?”

As she sobbed.

Heart is breaking into little pieces……

I dreaded bed time.

But we had another “special present” after that second nap, which bought us more time for distraction.

Note – I am not above bribery to buy time.

Enter bed time.

I will spare you the details in case you are facing down this reality in your house, but let’s just say she sobbed for  ONE HOUR. This time she wasn’t talking, asking us for anything, she was just crying. It was like she knew it was just gone, so she just cried. We debated going upstairs but we knew she was only crying for one thing and we threw that one thing out.

Or so we thought.

After a horrible hour of listening to sweet DD sob and sob, she fell asleep and stayed that way until about – 4am.

When she woke up, realized she didn’t have her passie, and instead of falling back asleep, she started crying and begging for her passie.

Mommy and daddy wanted to cry because it was 4am.

She quickly bounced back and stopped asking for the passie. I thought we turned the corner, we were through the worst, we were all going to survive.

Hours went by with no mention of the passie. Things were looking up.

Then I left before afternoon nap time to run an errand. DH assured me that he had it all under control. I had this sinking feeling that I shouldn’t be leaving but what could possibly happen?

I was blissfully unaware, shopping, when my phone rang and it was a call from Home.

My stomach hit the ground.

DH was amused, telling me I was never going to believe what happened. He took DD upstairs for her nap, she tripped in her room, fell, and under the bed, spotted a PASSIE.

And apparently her face broke out in a huge grin and she was over the moon and so he let her have it “one last time.”

I started crying in the store.

Had we just reverted back in time? How could he let her have it? What did this mean for bed time?

And how could we have been so sloppy as to not make sure there were NO PASSIES left in the house?

This was all too much for a fragile and tired preggo to take. My shopping excursion was ruined.

I was dumbfounded on so many levels and felt beat down by this cruel fate. And sloppiness on our part. Fortunately I was able to purchase MORE presents from the passie fairy, unsure if that was really helping but not knowing what else to do.

After returning home, I angrily informed DH that he was going to be the bad guy. After her nap, he got to take that last passie away from her and explain that if she is a brave big girl tonight, the passie fairy will come again, and leave a present, etc etc.

Back to square one. And the f’ing passie fairy. Weren’t we supposed to be rid of her?

My stress level was through the roof the remainder of the day.

Dread filled my stomach as bed time approached. My chest was tight.

Would she cry for another hour? Could we take it? Maybe I would just leave? Was it all too painful? Was the passie so bad, I wondered?  Does it really matter if she still has it as a three-year-old? Should we just drop it? Was this a sign that she should just keep her passie?  My mind raced. My heart was pounding.

Though she cried after her nap when DH took it away, she cried only for a few minutes. Then bed time came, she asked for it a few times, but no tears. She just went to sleep. We couldn’t believe it. Were we passie-free? Were we through the worst?

As it turns out, we were. Here we are 10 days later and no one talks about passies anymore. DD hasn’t mentioned them. She also doesn’t sleep as much. Though she is sleeping past 4am now, she’s still waking up around 5:30am every day. Clearly she is still working on learning how to wake and then settle back down at that time without her passie. We don’t love being up that early but it is what it is.

With the Sunday afternoon surprise of finding the other passie, what I realized was I totally underestimated not only DH’s judgment call but also DD’s ability to understand his reasoning that this was the last time and we meant it. I really underestimated them both.

Now if only she’ll get back to sleeping past 6am.


The Girl Effect September 12, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood — Wired_Momma @ 4:02 pm

To counter balance yesterday’s depressing revelation about Governor Palin and just how weak and pathetic her track record appears to be on many fronts, I’d like to turn the tables on an issue about empowering girls. My sister sent me a link to a YouTube video:

I urge you to watch it.

Here is the link to the web site:

Important issues that we all can play a part in by participating.

Kind of like the election……


Palin does not stand up for women September 11, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood,Politics — Wired_Momma @ 5:51 pm

To all the women out there who believe Governor Palin is there to stand up and protect women and will be an advocate for women, here on day #2 of KT’s attempts at focusing on policy and substance, I urge you all to learn more about Governor Palin’s track record. As it turns out, Alaska has the highest number of sexual assaults in the country and typically, survivors of rape are NOT charged for the medical exam, except those who lived in Wasilla when Palin was the Mayor.  In fact, the Alaska legislature had to intervene and pass a bill forbidding communities from charging women for this service, though it seems Wasilla, under Palin’s watch, was the only local community charging the women.

On the contrary, Senator Joe Biden WROTE the Violence Against Women Act of 1994 and said the following about this important, pro-woman, piece of legislation:

“I consider the Violence Against Women Act the single most significant legislation that I’ve crafted during my 35-year tenure in the Senate. Indeed, the enactment of the Violence Against Women Act in 1994 was the beginning of a historic commitment to women and children victimized by domestic violence and sexual assault. Our nation has been rewarded for this commitment. Since the Act’s passage in 1994, domestic violence has dropped by almost 50%, incidents of rape are down by 60%, and the number of women killed by an abusive husband or boyfriend is down by 22%. Today, more than half of all rape victims are stepping forward to report the crime. And since we passed the Act in 1994 over a million women have found justice in our courtrooms and obtained domestic violence protective orders.”

If you’d like to read more about this breaking news, here is the link:

KT out.


The Palin Pick September 10, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood,Politics — Wired_Momma @ 5:57 pm

It finally hit me like a ton of bricks over the weekend. I was so mystified as to why the McCain camp branded Palin as a “hockey mom” right out of the gates instead of touting her political experience and readiness for the job at hand. It made no sense to me, I thought. It just opened the doors to calling all of our attention to her choices as a mom, instead of her experience and resume and qualifications to be the Vice President.

How naive I was. I fell for this masterful trickery hook, line and sinker. At least I wasn’t alone.

Why, it was DELIBERATE – my mind realized over the hot sunny afternoon visit to the park on Saturday. Those brilliant aholes, running his campaign, I thought. How ingenious to brand her as a mom, so that like lemmings, we would all jump on the train of trashing her and reopening the mommy wars, and deflect the attention off the substance: she is NOT qualified to be vice president.

So from this point forward, here on KT, I will refocus on the substance when discussing the McCain-Palin pick. The substance is what the election should be about and the substance is about where this team stands on issues in front of our country. Not where she was when her water broke. Trust me, this is all going to be very difficult for me to do. It’s going to take a lot of discipline.

I would like to add, however, that several male and republican friends have separately questioned my deep dislike for Palin and inquired if I would feel this way if she were a democratic, pro-choice woman. I would like to remind them that we actually had a democratic, pro-choice woman on the ticket – the presidential one – if memory serves. And as any avid fan of KT knows, I did not support Hillary. I re soundly support a woman holding the highest or second highest office in the land but at the end of the day, I support her when she is the right person for the job. There is no question that Hillary was and is vastly more qualified for such position than nobody-Palin but I still didn’t believe she was the right person for the job. So again, it is totally and completely obnoxious to assume that a woman will support a female candidate just because she is a woman. Women do, in fact, pay attention to more than just shared genitals and think through issues of importance and vote for the candidate that stands up for their issues – though McCain seems to think otherwise. I have to believe that women, in the end, like men, vote for the most qualified team, not on chromosomes.

And with that, I will begin paying more acute attention to where Palin stands on issues and what her experience and track record indicates to supports what she actually brings to the table. Of course, her being sequestered from speaking to the media, makes this a little difficult, but we do know that she is anti-abortion even in circumstances of rape and incest, she supports abstinence-only education,  and she has less than two years experience in a state with a population the size of Baltimore, MD. According to the Washington Post, regardless of what she claims on the campaign trail, she did, in fact, support the “Bridge to Nowhere” until Congress botched that one after wasting $200 million and she received her first passport in 2007, only to travel to Canada and then to Afghanistan to visit the Alaska National Guard Troops. When asked her views on Iraq, she has indicated that she hadn’t thought much about the war there.

More to come as we learn more about her.