Kitty Time

Motherhood, babies, life, celebrities, politics…kitty’s claws come out when she’s in the mood.

Happy Birthday To Me March 31, 2008

Filed under: Fashion,Husbands,Motherhood — Wired_Momma @ 5:37 pm

Hello Kittens –

I’m so sorry that I’ve been MIA the past week or so. Work has been eating up all my time, sadly. But today is my birthday…and though I don’t look a day over 23, I’m 33 today. I like this number, I feel good about this number. It has a good ring to it. Good things will happen in this 33rd year. But, really, the best way for me to start off a new year is to have a few rants. I mean – what gal doesn’t feel better when she gets a few things off her chest?

With that, I would first like to complain about the DVR. I believe the DVR is ruining my life.

Why? You ask.

Well, let me tell you.

As you know if you are blessed (and cursed) with this technology in your home, if you just tuned out, you can rewind.

Get caught up in your thoughts, debating the pros and cons of a skinny cow vs. quart of ben and jerry’s for dessert? Then realize you missed a few crucial minutes of “Lost” – ok, then, rewind.

Get caught up reading “Star” or “In Touch” – rewind, fast forward, whatever you want, you can control what you know when your mind wanders into the deep territories of food, celeb gossip and spring fashion, as mine does.

Always a deep thought going on here in KT.

But see, the trouble is, you can’t rewind or pause anything else in your life, as I’ve learned.

So suddenly you realize your husband is 15 minutes into telling you something really important about his day and while your important thoughts on “did i really put enough cheese on top of that burrito? and do we have enough in case i want more?” – are also valid – well – you can’t pause or rewind your husband.

Or better yet, fast forward to the end bit about work and get back to important matters.


So this plays out in my life frequently, it seems. I can’t rewind a work convo, I can’t rewind the radio, I can’t pause, I am just, well, screwed.

And I blame the DVR. The DVR is enhancing my adult ADD. What is a gal to do?

Fortunately, nodding reassuringly along with a few “Oh, definitely” and “absolutely you should be fired up about that” have helped me skate through thus far. But things aren’t looking good…we all know I’m not getting any younger…and my DVR isn’t going anywhere….so this predicament is bound to just get worse. I really can’t be held responsible for it. I blame the DVR.

My second rant is against sidewalks in Washington, DC. Perhaps all over this country. I am most familiar with sidewalks in Washington DC.

I think it’s time for some women to get involved in the planning and execution of the cracks between sidewalks because no one who has ever worn a kitten heel has ever built a DC sidewalk. If they had, they would know that the cracks are just wide enough for your beautiful kitten heel to get caught and torn up. Not to mention the embarrassment of getting caught and trying to walk forward and not going anywhere.

Do I smell a conspiracy?

Are the urban planners in bed with the shoe repairmen in this town?

Is it another example of the Bush administration trying to keep women down and certainly dowdy in practical pumps?

Can I get more of a tax rebate to cover the expense of getting my shoes fixed..or better yet..having to replace them because I look like a poor kid who just graduated from college walking into the office with ripped up heels? What gives, sidewalk maker? Cut a gal a break.

And finally, I am not really ranting against my DD, I am almost proud, though tired. My DD is almost 2.5 years old and her communication skills continue to expand and improve daily. We all know this is a double edged sword. Take, for instance, our doctor’s visit on Friday.

Doctor enters the room, DD immediately tells him she has an owee. He asks her where and she says “Ears.”

I was quite pleased. It was the first time she had communicated so clearly to a doctor what was wrong with her. And it turns out, it was her first ear infection. Fast forward 20 minutes later to the enormous tantrum in the foyer of the doctor’s office and the nurse who ends up helping me because my child refuses to leave or put her coat on. At this moment, why can’t I use the DVR to fast forward my life?

Then progress to the 20 minutes in the parking lot of her telling me she is “not” getting to the “Carseat” because she “wants to sit only on mommy’s lap.”

I mean, I get it. Everyone wants to be close to me but I’m a law abiding citizen, not Britney, so into the car seat she eventually went. Meanwhile I aged 10 years and the parking lot attendant didn’t charge me for parking out of pity, trust me, I could see it in his eyes.

Then came our entrance to the CVS parking lot 15 minutes later. My dread of having to get her out of the carseat to get the prescription to only have to load her back in after the ordeal we just went through only escalated when I opened her car door and she looked at me and said very steadily “I’m not going anywhere.”

Secretly, I loved it. I mean – who does this kid think she is and god love her sass. At least I don’t have some lame door mat of a kid.

But she sure as hell isn’t making anything easy along the way.

With that kittens, I won’t make you wait so long to hear from me again, and please, send all the rest of my gifts to my home, it’s so much trouble having to make so many trips to my car today.


Parental Torture March 19, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood — Wired_Momma @ 5:21 pm

Many of you who know me and my darling Daughter, know that I am the mother of world’s most prolific drooler. Though she is coming on 2.5 and has had a full mouth of teeth for quite some time now, she still drools like nothing you’ve ever seen.

Lose sight of her?

Just follow the trail of drool puddles left behind.

Going out with her?

Did you remember to pack 6 bibs to keep up with her as she burns through drenching each one with her drool?

Many around us are left wondering if she will still be drooling in her Prom pictures.  I mean – again – we are not talking about a baby who is teething anymore. So it’s just well – strange.

The truth is, like any other parent, I think my kid is the cat’s meow and totally adorable, so if her one outward flaw is the she drools a lot – so be it.

But you must know that I’ve always wondered if there is a reason she drools so much…much less…will it – actually – ever end?

Drumroll please…I now know the answer!

Today she was evaluated for her gross motor skills because both of her feet turn in when she walks/runs and she tumbles a lot. As it turns out, she is not lagging at all in her gross motor skills but her foot turning in is related to her muscle tone.

For any of you out there with less than stellar muscle tone, fret not – don’t blame it on that tub of Ben and Jerry’s you might eat with some regularity. Instead – blame it on your parents!

Seems that we are born with the kind of muscle tone we are going to have. Some have low tone, some have high, firm tone.

My sweet cherub has low tone – so her feet pronate and she hyper-extends her knees. But wait, there’s more –

This is why she drools!

We need to help her strengthen the muscles around her jaw.

So, how does one do that?

We were told today by a medical professional that we must go out and purchase blow toys for our toddler. You know – like fake little horns and harmonicas – so she can blow through them to her heart’s content – and this will help strengthen her muscle tone – and maybe she won’t be drooling in her Prom pictures.

Can you kill me now?

I mean – I always viewed musical toys for toddlers as gifts that grandparents get your child for Christmas as payback – to find pleasure in watching you be tortured after you tortured them for so many years. Or that people with no kids buy because they don’t know any better but have good intent – so you just make a note to self to remember to return the favor if they ever have kids.

But now – now – a medical professional tells me I need to go buy said parental torture devices to help the development of my child.

Lord have mercy.

Tylenol and a stiff drink, anyone?


The Scorned Political Wife March 12, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood,Politics — Wired_Momma @ 3:47 pm

I meant to take today off from blogging but I really can’t help myself with this Spitzer scandal. There are so many things to discuss. We could delve into what this means for Spitzer’s three teenage daughters and what life lesson he just taught them in how he views women, despite being the father of daughters. We could delve into the harm of prostitution and how it degrades women and takes advantage of women who have most likely suffered some kind of sexual abuse in their lifetime. Hell, considering DC’s hookers aren’t good enough for Spitzer, we could also talk about human trafficking and how it apparently is happening in the US, not just in under-developed Asian and African countries.

We could do all of that. But instead, I’m most in the mood to continue talking about the scorned political wife and why she stands up there during that initial press conference. After spending much of yesterday thinking about what sort of message Mrs. Spitzer might have sent her daughters by standing there, I’ve concluded that frankly, I think she’s telling them that it’s OK to be a doormat and let your husband humiliate you and treat you like crap and throw his entire career away and disrespect you and your marriage. Even if he does all of that, you will still stand there.

As a mother of only one daughter, I feel confident in saying that I wouldn’t stand there. I asked my dad what he thought my mom would have done, as the mother of four daughters, and he retorted that my mother would have stood over his dead bloody body asking how to reload the shot gun.


So maybe violence isn’t the answer but neither is being a doormat.

And all of this brings me to Hillary. I think that this is one core reason why I just cannot support her and do not believe she is the right candidate for president as much as I would like to see a female president in my lifetime. Hillary was publicly humiliated by her husband not just once, but two very public times, and those are the only two we know about – and she kept standing there. She publicly defended him, she believed in his innocence, she stood by her man, he did it again, she was clearly pissed but she stood by him again.

And never for one minute did I believe she was standing there for him because she had only Chelsea in mind. I don’t believe there is anything authentic about Hillary Clinton and it seems to me that she kept standing by her man because she was personally invested in her own professional advantage from his position and his power.

Is that wrong?

Well, in and of itself, no. It is not wrong for a spouse to set aside their own career to help support the other spouse’s career and to help them succeed and achieve their professional goals. That is admirable. That is true sacrifice. I take no issue with that.

But what I take issue with is what I view to be her values. She was willing to let her husband walk all over her to get ahead. She was willing to be publicly humiliated more than once and still stand up there and support him. So what I wonder is this – how many people has she walked all over to get ahead – because she clearly views that as a way to survive in this world. And how many strong personalities are going to walk all over her should she become President – and will she consciously let them walk all over her because she believes she stands to gain from it?  Where does that leave us? Who’s good is she looking out for?

Look, maybe I’m being harsh on her but I would hold a man to the same standard. And is anyone else wondering if a husband would stand up next to a powerful politician wife as she announced to the world her infidelities? Think Bill would stand there? Think Pelosi’s husband would stand there? I’m waiting for that day.

My other issue is this – I wonder if the inclination for the political wives to stand next to their husbands is partly driven by the money and power they gain by sticking with their husbands. History shows that even a disgraced politician still stands to make gobs of money when he heads into private business and lobbying.

And again, I really am not in support of women being dishrags because their husbands provide for them in a way they are accustomed too.  Especially not the first ladies we are talking about who have the means and education to do it on their own.

So there you have it, my claws are out again today. I’m still refraining from judging Mrs. Spitzer because it’s too early….but it’s just another reason why I’m an Obama Mamma.

ABC has an interesting piece on this topic, if you’re so inclined:


Spitzer’s Skeletons Came out of the Closet March 11, 2008

Filed under: Husbands,Motherhood,Politics — Wired_Momma @ 2:47 pm

Ahh kittens…one of my favorite scandals erupted unexpectedly yesterday to brighten an otherwise dull Monday afternoon. By now, we’ve all heard about it, the good old Governor of New York couldn’t seem to keep his pants zipped up during a quick trip to DC last month and had to ship down some call girl from NY to keep him occupied for a few hours. Ahh……the joys of a political sex scandal involving a rising star in the Democratic party, sprinkled with the fun of knowing this particular politician has steadfastly fought against prostitution rings in the recent past……nothing adds whip cream to the top of a delicious political sex scandal more than double standards and hypocrisy, of course!  I can still hear Wall Street and business tycoons laughing over their gin and tonics and cigars.

But see, it’s not really the guilty husband that intrigues me the most about this story or even how sanctimonious Spitzer was as the AG. We’ve talked about this before on KT. It seems that we’ll never know why the ego stretches so large that politicians believe they are above the law and most importantly, forget that they actually can’t ever get away with their indiscretions. But, history has a way of repeating itself and this scandal is as old as time.  No matter how brilliant the aides are that surround these politicians, they haven’t yet been able to convince them that their skeletons will always come out of the closet. And we should all be thankful for it because it sure is fun to watch.

But like I was saying, it’s not the man that fascinates me in all of this, it’s the role of the betrayed and humiliated wife that I just can’t move past. The image of the wife standing there next to her husband during the initial press conference, with that scorned look on her face, and then holding his hand as they exit center stage and dodge the most painful questions.

Why….why…why…I keep asking myself. Why do these wives stand there? Anyone thinking of our gal Hil on 60 Minutes, with such confidence that her husband did NOT have an affair with Gennifer Flowers…years before Monica showed up in the Oval Office in her blue dress? Or gay Governor McGreevey’s wife. I think she resurfaced onto the Today Show this morning but we were busy watching Little Bill. Or Vitter’s wife…or Larry Craig’s wife….and now Spitzer’s wife…and all the other wives before my time….and that will come down the road in the future.

Why do they stand there, we all wonder?

Now, from a PR perspective, I understand why the wife is standing there but even that confuses me at my core. The horn-dog political husband needs his wife standing there in that first press conference to show the world that his family believes in him, so we should too. I get that.

But what does that do for the wife? Why does the wife give a shit that her husband’s career is going down the toilet and fast? Why does she want to be publicly associated with this sinking ship any more than she already is? Hell, we’re all talking about how he not only cheated on her with a hooker but went so far as to transport that woman from NY to DC to get it on with her….and if you’re transporting hookers, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that wasn’t the first time he got his toes wet…so to speak…..

Also – living in DC – I’m a little offended. What’s wrong with our hookers here? What – they not as hot as the ones in NY? Come on guys……no need to transport them over state lines.

So, back to the wife, why should she care about her husband’s career in that moment? Why should she stand there, stone faced, hanging on like cold grim death, to the idea that her husband’s career will actually survive?

Well, being a mother, I can only assume one thing – she’s standing there for her kids.  She’s standing there because she believes, in that rock bottom moment of her life, after all the crap she’s put up with over the years to support her husband and help his career, that her children need to see their parents as a unified front in order to minimize the disgrace, humiliation and confusion they are surely feeling. 

That is the only theory I can come up with as to why the wives all stand there. Not a person in this world can convince me that any one of those wives wants to be there. And hopefully she is giving her husband a verbal beating before and immediately leaving center stage, though it won’t do any good. But as mothers, in that moment, I’m sure the only thing they can think of to do is what they think will help their children in the long run.

And so I can’t judge them, I can’t throw them under the bus just like I want to throw their husband under the bus, because if I believed that I needed to do that to help my daughter, then I would stand there too. For her. And only for her. And if some reporter asked me why I was standing there, all I would say was “to support my children.”

So instead of judging these wives, I ask you this – do you think that standing there in support of the husband actually does help the children more in the long run? Surely children have been all ages when these kinds of scandals have hit these horny, pathetic, lying, cheating excuses for husbands and fathers. So some kids can understand the scandal immediately while others might need more explanation and then will look back in time at those pictures.

What message does it send the children in that moment and in the future? Does it tell their kids that you stand by the people you love when they need you the most, no matter how much it hurts? That you can’t just cut and run when the going gets tough? Or does it tell them that even after you were just walked all over like a doormat, and stomped on a few times, and there was probably dog shit on the bottom of the shoe that was stepping all over you, even after all that, you still stand up there in support? Because you really are a doormat?

I honestly don’t know.

What do you think?


Outsourcing Baby March 10, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood — Wired_Momma @ 2:06 pm

Usually we only judge Republicans, the Administration, Katie Holmes and Katherine Heigl here on KT. But as avid fans of KT know, my claws come out whenever they are in the mood and today, today, I’m judging some parents.

Over the weekend, the Washington Post ran a story in the Business section about the booming industry sprung from parents who are outsourcing tasks for their baby. For some, it starts with night nurses when the baby is born so they can get some much needed rest, maybe it snowballs from there, or maybe people just figure it out later, but what I don’t understand is why people hire other adults to do things that they, as parents, are perfectly capable – and some might argue – SHOULD – be doing for their own offspring.

Now, I will give credit where credit is due, and my hat is off to those who are clever enough to benefit from rich parents who outsource baby tasks to others, as ridiculous as I think it is.

Why, for example, can’t people baby proof their own house? Are we really that busy that we can’t purchase some baby proofing supplies while we are out running errands and then take a few minutes to put them up around the house? Maybe my child is living in a dangerous house but I’m pretty sure it took us about 15 minutes to baby proof the house. Maybe 30 minutes at the most. Barring anyone who is curing cancer or feeding the poorest children in Africa, are we Americans really so busy that we don’t have time for this simple task of protecting our own young and vulnerable child?

The Post piece featured a woman who is profiting off parents who are too busy to shop for their kids own birthday party. The mother featured in the piece paid someone to purchase a “special” present for her daughter’s 3 year old birthday. Just reading that made my core body temperature rise. Where is the joy in knowing your child and thinking about what is important to them, what will delight them, and then taking some time to find it and wrap it and present it to them? I mean, really people, again – are those parents saving us from the next most vicious widespread disease? Or are they just so self-consumed that they can’t spend a little time on their own kid?

A KT friend emailed me over the weekend, in an outrage, and wondered – what will the mother say to her daughter when she is grown up and asks about her favorite tutu that she got on her third bday and her mom reveals that she just paid some woman money to find something special but had the wherewithal to hire someone who actually knows what 3 year old girls like, so it all worked out in the end?  I mean really.  Will her mother respond like this “Oh come on honey, at least I paid an American to do it, look at all the parents that are outsourcing to India and China for these things today.”

And potty training consultants? Come the hell on. How about the fact that potty training your kid is a huge rite of passage and  you get an enormous sense of fulfillment and satisfaction when, at the end of the day, you survived that one and lived to tell the tale?

I just don’t get it. I really don’t understand where, along the way of deciding to bring children into the world, we decide that if we can hire someone to take care of something, then well, let’s just do it.

There, I judged today, what else are Monday’s good for if not starting off the week all fired up?

Here’s a link if you’d like to read it and mock:


Momnesia March 6, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood — Wired_Momma @ 4:18 pm

Kittens –

I should really start charging you, what with all the ways I’m keeping you current with new words. First it was choreplay. Then it was stressorexia. Now it’s momnesia. I ought to start my own dictionary, shall we call it Kitt-a-pedia…and I’ll make it really special. I won’t let anyone else edit it, it will be my first effort at total world domination.

Now what is momnesia? Well, I forgot already.


I kill myself.

Momnesia is just USA Today’s way of talking about Mommy Brain. Sort of like “baby bump” offending some, though not me, I’m not sure if I prefer “momnesia” or “mommy brain” but just about the only thing I can remember is that I definitely have Momnesia.

An example, if you will: A colleague of mine is equally as obsessed with “Veronica Mars” as my husband and I are. We live and die for this show. It’s really filled the void of the writer’s strike (god forbid we actually read). As we burn through one season in our house, I pass the season along to my colleague. This guy thinks I am about the dumbest person walking this side of K Street because he’ll come in to chat about the Season 2 opener, and though I just watched it like probably a week ago (we’re averaging 2-3 episodes a night, chez moi), my response is inevitably “remind me again, what happened? and who is that? and while you’re at it, who are you?”

See, those without children are most apt to think that those of us suffering from Momnesia just aren’t that bright. Unfortunately this guy = no kids. Those with children can spot a fellow momnesia sufferer a mile away. Momnesia is an equal opportunity parental disease.

Ever see the woman scrambling through her bag, looking for her car keys, and can only find the extra toddler underpants, diapers, crushed up snacks and chewed up toddler books, only to realize five minutes later that she’s been holding her keys the whole time? Or the ever-hateful moment of trying to find your car in the parking lot after a long day of work, as we discussed the other day? When you see that other parent wandering aimlessly, you don’t laugh, you don’t point and snicker, you just know. And well, you’re in the same boat too.

It seems that researchers and scientists are quick to support momnesia as a legitimate reality of life post-baby. The USA Today piece talks about how we lose 450-700 hours of sleep in the first year of a baby’s life and well, sleep deprivation is a form of torture, so how can it not wear your brain out?  I mean, I don’t know about you but in those first weeks post-delivery, I was so foggy and confused, I might have asked my husband one night who he was and who sent him. Let alone that screaming kid in the other room……

What I like about the article….and shockingly, I read it in its entirety and remember a bit about what I read…is that they talk about the flip side of momnesia. The fact that though us parents might forget everything under the sun except our name and our address,  we are sharp as nails when it comes to remembering what we need to remember for our child in that phase of their life.

That, kittens, is the distinction.

How many times has a friend asked you how much your child was eating at 6 months or how tall they were at 9 months or when they started doing X, and you look at them blankly? I couldn’t tell you any of that if my life depended on it but I know what I need to know about my current two year old. This is why they invented baby journals. Not because the nurturing mother likes to curl up on the sofa and jot down every precious moment of her sweet cherub’s life but because that mother has 1/4 of a brain and won’t remember a damn thing in two months time.

What really amuses me about momnesia is how tricky it is. This piece talks about how the surge and then drop of hormones from late pregnancy through delivery contribute to the foggy haze we are all in those first weeks post partum and how this clouds our memory of delivery. It all builds, we forget the beginning, we forget how to tend for newborns. I mean hell, if and when the day comes for me to take care of a newborn again, I can tell you right now, I don’t remember the details. I just know what a busy, active, running, opinionated, silly toddler requires for care.

So where does this leave us? Forgetful, dazed and confused, faking it til we make it?

Sure. But at least we’re pretty.


Addicted to Motherhood? March 4, 2008

Filed under: Celebrities,Motherhood — Wired_Momma @ 4:17 pm

Kittens –

I apologize for my long silence – you know I’m busy at work when you don’t hear from me in a while. Know that I much prefer this over crazy, hectic work days but alas, it is out of my hands. With that, let’s get right to it.

Last week, we discussed whether having one child is enough and why people feel compelled to judge parents of singles. Let’s turn that on its head and talk about the opposite end of the spectrum – can you have too many kids? And what does that say about you?

At what point do you start judging someone and think they are freaky Mormons or Catholics because they have too many kids? Admit it, you know you do it. We are equal opportunity judgers. You might be busily thinking about how only children are weird one minute and then a few minutes later, mocking that crazy Catholic family down the street with their 6 kids.

So what’s the threshold for normal and why do we care?

Seeing as how I’m one of four, I can’t be judging people who have four kids. Though I do wonder how they afford it. But do I start to wonder once there are five kids? A little. But once you get past five, I’m pretty much thinking you’re a freak.

But why? Because I like to judge?

Maybe. But I’m not alone.

Which brings me to Angie. Good old Angelina Jolie. Preggo with her second biological child, bringing the grand total to 5 children for her and Brad Pitt. Is anyone else out there wondering what in the world is going on and when they will stop?  And how pissed is Jenny Anny?

As for the Jolie-Pitts, we know they can afford it. But what’s the deal? Why so many?

A dear KT reader sent along this link last week, a story on ABC wondering if Angelina Jolie is addicted to motherhood and what this says about her, psychologically:

Being the gal who loves celeb gossip and is quick to hop on a gossip bandwagon, I love this story. It’s rife with speculation over Angie’s mental state and her motivation for wanting so many kids, not to mention speculation that she will leave Brad high and dry eventually, once she’s done hiding her problems behind motherhood.  Love it.

But beyond that, it begs a good question – can you be addicted to motherhood for the wrong reasons?

I don’t know. I mean – I can see how you can be addicted to your kids and obsessed with their every move, so I guess you can be addicted to motherhood. Are those who are prone to being addicted to motherhood the Bree types from Wisteria Lane, loving their perfect life and hydrangeas? Or can they also be career-hungry, climbing the corporate ladder, proving to themselves and the world that they can do both?

Or is this even really something that’s a reality? Or is it another example of the media doing a great job of criticizing women and motherhood? And the decisions we make?

You tell me.

Or just go read the story because it’s about a celebrity.