Kitty Time

Motherhood, babies, life, celebrities, politics…kitty’s claws come out when she’s in the mood.

Choreplay January 30, 2008

Filed under: Husbands,Motherhood — Wired_Momma @ 3:53 pm

Today’s KT entry is for you, American Husband. And the funny thing is, what you are about to read below reflects an exact conversation that took place in my house just on Sunday evening. I looked over and imagine my surprise when I noticed my husband sitting on the couch, folding laundry – all on his own volition – and even better – pairing socks. I had to splash water on my face and pinch my cheeks a few times.

Once I realized it was really happening, I wasn’t having a wet dream, I took the liberty of letting him know that I’d go do it with him right then and there – that’s the only kind of foreplay I need.

He scoffed at me. He really didn’t realize I was serious. I even went on to explain that I’ve told him this before and that all husbands seem to miss this memo – despite how glaringly obvious it is – that if they were to take charge with household chores with regularity – they’d get us into bed a lot more frequently.

He really thought this ludicrous. At that point, I gave up. He was looking a gift horse in the mouth. It was like I was speaking in tongues to him.

And then a KT BFF sent the link to a word in the Urban Dictionary, a site I’d never even heard of until yesterday and now, a marital relations expert in my mind:

Drumroll….

1. choreplay
When a woman is turned on by the sight of her husband/boyfriend/partner doing regular household chores, that she would normally be doing.

“Last night, it was all about choreplay. I was all ‘OH YEAH, fold that laundry. Oh yes, just like that! In half and, then in half again. OHHH'”

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=choreplay&defid=2812396

 

 

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KT’s Invention January 28, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood — Wired_Momma @ 3:24 pm

I’m sure you’ve noticed how the media loves a mom-turns-millionaire through invention story. We see it all the time. In fact, I think there’s even a word for moms who invent things – mompreneurs. Or something ridiculous like that.

Apparently there’s a reason for the old saying “Necessity is the mother of invention.”

Right?

OK – so since having had my darling daughter, I’ve thought of things I’d like to invent if I had the time, means, or slightest bit of understanding in how to go about doing it. I have one idea that I actually think is pretty good.  Naturally I fantasize about executing said idea and making millions and quitting my job and being featured in the Today Show in a fabulous Nanette Lapore suit.

And then it dawned on me the other day, yet another idea that I believe would be helpful to all the driving women out there. Probably just the driving public. Definitely dazed and confused working moms with a million things on their minds.

Let me first paint the picture – set the scene, if you will.

KT friends know that, well, I’m always late. I try. I really do try. I have the best of intentions but the bottom line is, I’m late. This personal problem has only gotten worse since my daughter entered my life and well, it’s even worse now that she’s potty trained because that adds another 10-15 minutes to departure time……pee pee on the potty….”mas pee pee, read book? one more time? pee pee more, wash hands, go get cookie!”..and so it goes.  

That said, I am also pretty much always late to work, even though I’m not bringing my daughter with me every day. I figure any working mom who gets to the office before noon ought to get a medal.  Sadly I don’t think the higher-up’s really agree with that.

One of the downsides to always being late to work is finding a parking spot in the parking garage. Because I arrive at a slightly different time each day, I can never secure the same spot. I like one of the key spots that allows me to pull forward and then reverse straight back without having to make any tight turns or worry about hitting a pole.

I swear, poles tend to just jump out at me in parking garages.

Because the spot that I prefer is also preferred by others, it’s not always free when I arrive, so I must find another spot. This means, each evening when I am racing to my car to get home to darling daughter, I have to add some extra time in to remember where in the hell I parked the car.

You got it.

That person wandering aimlessly in a garage, looking dazed and confused, or raising the blood pressure of creepy slow stalker drivers at the mall garages at Christmas time – because I end up three rows over from where they think I’m headed – that’s me.

And admit it, it’s you too. Don’t tell me that you’ve never completely forgotten where you parked and had to walk around for a second or two (or five) to find your spot.

The good news is I always know which floor I’ve parked on, it’s just where on that level, is the problem.

So my invention – if I were an electrical engineer – I’d invent a GPS of sorts to affix to my key chain and once I enter the correct floor of my parking garage, perhaps it could ding or ring (a pleasant tone..or even better…be wirelessly connected to my favorite gossip blog and start reading off breaking celebrity news) to help point me in the direction of my vehicle, thereby avoiding the confusing tour of the garage floor, and saving precious time so I can get home sooner!

Isn’t this brilliant? A parking spot locator GPS! It’s just what we’ve all been waiting for! Am I a great mom-preneur or what?

Sadly, until I can determine how to get that gadget built and sold, I’m going to be that person wandering around, wondering where in the hell I parked my car, pretty much every evening.

And in the meantime, to catch up on all the latest celebrity fashion from last night’s SAG awards or continue wondering if Angie is pregnant in that mumu she wore, check out my fav celeb gossip site:

http://popsugar.com/gallery/217561

 

Kids Classes January 25, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood — Wired_Momma @ 2:58 pm

Enrolling your little one in fun classes is always a tricky path to get started on. I don’t know about you but I figured my baby was ready for a class around 8 months. I was so excited! I searched and searched and finally determined the perfect class – some music class relatively convenient to my house. I quickly enrolled the two of us in a session for every Saturday from late summer until Thanksgiving.

What great bonding, I thought! How fun to see what she’ll be like in music class and meet other babies! I really couldn’t wait.

But then we started going. And I realized that it’s a hassle to get to a class every single Saturday for so many weeks in a row, especially as a full-time working parent. I’ve got a lot of things to squeeze into one small weekend and eating up half the morning going to and from a class wasn’t always stress free. Then there was the reality of the fact that sometimes my baby just wasn’t in the mood for class or that half the class would be sick as hell, coughing and sneezing all over her, or just the difficulty in timing it with naps and getting her packed up and out the door to get anywhere on time. Before I get into how birthday parties and weekend visitors and other things eat into your ability to have a perfect attendance after you paid a bunch of money for this class.

Again, this common theme of nothing is at it seems.

But even after that experience, I still struggle with classes. Which classes should I enroll her in, how many is too many, which ones will she find fun before I cough up the cash?

And then the peer pressure. Suddenly on the playground you realize everyone else has had their kid in ballet and swimming for months. Should you have enrolled darling daughter in ballet? What if she is missing out on a great talent because I was too lazy and cheap to enroll her? Why is everyone else doing it and what does it say about me?

In those exposed moments, I have to dig deep within myself to find my perspective. I am a believer in there is a point to everything and less is more.

Sure, I struggled with whether or not to enroll my daughter in both swimming and ballet as the winter sessions were starting a few months ago. Until I focused on having to get her out of a wet swimming suit, dried off, dressed again and then get that head of hair dried before taking her outside, so as to prevent a cold, and then I realized I wasn’t charging down that path. What a freaking pain. Bath time is hard enough – I’d have to be a freaking masochist to want to face that battle twice a day.

And as for ballet, the sky high price of that class just seemed so outrageous to me for a two-year old who barely follows instruction on a good day, I just couldn’t justify it. Maybe when she’s four, but not now.

But that still doesn’t mean I didn’t struggle with it when hearing what others were doing.

Why do we fall victim to this? It’s just hard not to get caught up in it, I think. But I just have to stand firm. I keep reminding myself to view the world from the eyes of a two-year old. Those eyes are really different than mine and they get tired a lot faster. Down time and quiet time to balance out the chaos of school during the week – is more important to her than being carted off to yet another class, I decided.

But I think it’s a bigger picture issue. I worried that if I fell into the habit of over-booking and over-scheduling her at the age of two, what in the world is her life going to be like by the time she’s 12? This is where the whole “there’s a point to everything” reasoning enters my brain.

So in those moments of panic on the playground when I’m the only mom not taking my kid to some class, less is more, is what I tell myself. I truly believe less is more.

 

The Working Mom’s Double-Edged Sword January 23, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood,Work — Wired_Momma @ 2:50 pm

When I returned to work after maternity leave and for much of the time my daughter was a baby, I fretted over how my working would impact her bond with me. Being a baby, she was unable to tell me that she loves me or misses me. I could only go on confidence and assurance from my husband..with some logic mixed in…that she loved me deeply and cared whether or not I was there. But I still was always left with doubt.

What if she didn’t feel attached to me because I was gone all day, five days in a row?

What if she loved the nanny more than me?

Some days this bothered me more than others. Usually I was most fraught with concern by Fridays, feeling like it had been way too many days since she’d had me for a full day by then. I was never sure if she was feeling the dis-connect or was it actually me that was feeling too dis-connected from her by then?

I just wanted to hear her tell me she loves me, I thought. I just can’t wait for her to let me know she missed me, I told myself! Then it will be better! Then I will know that I am #1 for her and I can go off to work care-free (well, not quite, but you see where I’m headed).

(NOTE: In case there are any KT newbies out there, I feel compelled to remind you that this is NOT about mommy guilt. I hate mommy guilt. Quit wasting your time. I’m talking about a little bit of insecurity mixed in with a baby’s inability to clearly communicate feelings verbally, mixed in with the ways that motherhood calls everything into question, whether you are working full-time or not.)

In all of those scenarios, what never occurred to me was the reality of verbal skills. Apparently they’re a two-way street and can change on a dime.

So now, I’m the mother of a 2 year old. She tells me she loves me every night, after she wishes me “Happy Halloween” when she’s going to bed (honestly, loves that holiday more than anything). She says “bye bye, daddy, miss you” when my husband leaves every morning for work.

This is the stuff I imagined, right? All of you out there with non-verbal sweet babies, your hearts are just a-flutter, this is what you are waiting for, right?

Not so fast.

Because as I learned, seems that the little ones don’t necessarily come running to the door with their arms wide open, exclaiming “mommy mommy! I missed you!” when you return home from work. 

I don’t know about your house, but in my house, the opposite is actually the case.

At first, it really hurt me. I had to hide my tears and avert my eyes. Now, I’m used to it and view it as a chance to get upstairs and change before I’m wearing darling daughter’s dinner on top of my dry cleaned suit.

Here’s what happens when I come home: my daughter barely lifts her eyes from her toys and when she does make eye contact with me, she shouts “No No No!” and runs towards the nanny.

Still feeling warm and fuzzy?

Still wishing your sweet angelic babe could whisper sweet nothings in your ear?

The thing is, she does the same thing to our nanny in the mornings. She shouts “no no no!” and runs to cuddle up on my lap.

So what do I think? I think toddlers don’t like change. I think the books and the experts are right and toddlers thrive off consistency and the same every day. I think it throws off her mojo when someone else enters the house and alters her routine. I also think she realizes the pattern of the day and what happens next.

In the morning, she knows I’m leaving and she’s sad. In the evenings when I come home, she knows she’s going to bed soon, so the clock is ticking on her playtime. (You don’t really think I could stomach that she’s pissed off that I’m home, do you?)

Bottom line is this, with the wide open expanse of verbal communication comes a free-flow of feelings out of the toddler’s mouth and the complexity of heading out the door each day has not dwindled. It has just gotten more knotty.

Hearing your child express frustration that you are leaving her again is way harder on me than her saying nothing because she doesn’t know how too. Hearing her anger that you’ve arrived home is certainly not what my past self imagined when she was a sweet little fat 6 month old.

It’s just a double-edged sword.

 

January Blues January 21, 2008

Filed under: Motherhood — Wired_Momma @ 3:04 pm

Those of you who know me well, know that I get to the gym very early in the mornings. So this morning, as I was pulling out of my driveway at o-dark-thirty, and wondering how in the hell it could be quite so cold, I noticed the moon. I hope some of you also saw the moon either last night or this morning. It was one of the most beautiful full moons I’ve ever seen. So big and bright and just glistening there – it immediately lifted my spirits. If only I didn’t have to keep my eyes on the road, I wouldn’t have been able to stop looking at the moon.

My great mood lasted only until I got to the gym and started watching the news. First, the local news was depressing enough and then the anchors busted out with how today is branded the most depressing day of the year. I’m sure there’s some bullshit reasons why that’s the case, something about it being three weeks into a cold month and no holidays to lift our spirits, everyone’s fat from over-eating, everyone’s given up their New Year’s Resolutions by now (ah ha! yet another reason to not make any – then you have nothing to feel bad about today) and the credit card bills from the holidays should be arriving this week (I’m definitely going to be feeling bad when that one drops through the mail slot. Any chance I can hide it from my husband??)

So, I was starting to come off the high from the bright glistening full moon, and then a segment came on about caffeine and pregnancy and miscarriages. Unfortunately, we all know someone who has experienced the pain of a miscarriage. I feel like I always hear the comment that it’s only the people who get pregnant the first time they try, that we all hear about – but who is actually talking about the frequency of miscarriage?

The thing is, in my circle of friends, though I hear this same comment, I feel like everyone is pretty open about miscarriages, the emotions that come with it, and her experience with it. I hope this is the case for everyone, not just KT’s BFFs, because it’s something that is so common and beyond our control.

That being said, everyone is always struggling with balancing what they can and cannot do when pregnant and handling caffeine is always one of them. So Kaiser just came out with this study of 1,000 women in San Francisco and the miscarriage rate among this group during the first three months of pregnancy.

Here is the finding: http://madelynfernstrom.ivillage.com/health/2008/01/caffeine_and_miscarriages.html?par=today,wb

“Those women with the highest caffeine intake (more than 200mg per day, daily) had double the number of miscarriages as those women who did not consume caffeine at all. 25 women out of 100 miscarried in the high caffeine group, compared with 12 in the 0mg caffeine ingestion group.”

So, if you haven’t heard this news by now, you might be wondering what 200mg amounts to? Sadly, not much coffee, read on: 

 “What does 200mg of caffeine look like? it’s two small cups of coffee, four cups of tea, or five cans of soda. ”

I must admit, I didn’t realize that two cups of small coffee is equivalent to five cans of soda. That’s actually really nasty. I mean – who in the world drinks 5 cans of soda in one day? But me, I definitely enjoy more than two cups of “small” coffee in the morning.

What I also heard on the news but isn’t explained in the above link is this: Caffeine constricts the blood flow to the placenta – thus making it not a good thing to digest for pregnant women.

In the interest of full disclosure, personally, when I was pregnant with my darling daughter, I basically cut out all caffeine the day we first started trying to get pregnant and I stayed completely caffeine free until I was through my first trimester. I’ll never forget the day that I was reunited with some caffeinated tea on that 13th week of pregnancy, it felt so good. We were long lost buddies, me and caffeine. From that point on, I probably had a cup of caffeine a day or every other day, for the remainder of my pregnancy.

Imagine my surprise when no one warned me that discipline with caffeine would persist for as long as I was breastfeeding. Talk about a buzz kill.

And speaking of buzz kills, by the time I was done working out, I was totally over the joy of the moon. From now on, maybe I’ll stick with watching E! instead of any news.

So to end this entry on this most depressing day of the year, I offer you this link, a predictor of your child’s height at the age of 18 brought to you by our friends at BabyCenter.com. I question its accuracy because it’s predicting my daughter will be 5ft. 11 inches by the time she’s 18….and that seems kind of extreme:

http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/child-height-predictor?pe=eiU70g&scid=mbtw_post26m:20080114:0:0:0

 

Celebs I love to hate January 18, 2008

Filed under: Celebrities,Motherhood — Wired_Momma @ 4:14 pm

Gather round kittens. It’s Friday, so what better way to end the week than to discuss something as meaningless and empty as celebs?

For being dreary, boring old January, there actually is good celeb fodder happening this week. Now, I could talk about how Brit made Kitson open for her at 2am so she could shop:

http://popsugar.com/963665

Or how Brit has multiple personalities and an even worse fake British accent than Madonna:

http://www.tmz.com/2008/01/17/britneys-multiple-personality-disorder/

Or I could pontificate on proof that Matthew McC doesn’t know how to spell and question why he uses words like “stoked” when describing his feelings about pending fatherhood. Or “womb” to paint a picture of where his baby is currently located:

http://www.usmagazine.com/matthew_and_camila_expecting

But I won’t. Because instead I would like to talk about the two celebs I love to hate more than anything: Katie Holmes and Katherine Heigl.

First, Katie. One KT BFF cleverly pointed out that Katie’s hair makes her look like a spitting image of Anna Wintour, a woman in her 60s. If you don’t agree, then please click here to then agree with me:

http://popsugar.com/gallery/209399?page=0,13,0

http://www.style.com/peopleparties/search/thumb/person270?page=1

It’s a brilliant point and honestly, why does she have this look?

But really – if I have to listen to her talk in some wimpy, whispery strange voice ONE MORE TIME about how amazing Cruise is and how madly in love they are and how perfect Suri is, I’m going to need to be hooked up to an IV because I’ll be so dehydrated from all the puking in my mouth.

Give us all a freaking break. Why hasn’t she received the memo that when one gushes incessantly about the perfection of their life and husband, it becomes increasingly more obvious to the rest of the world that it’s all bullshit? How about a normal tempered response every once in a while like “Sometimes it’s hard juggling all the travel and work schedules with Suri and Tom.” Or something honest.

And then her outfits. Why the need to always only dress like Royalty? She has a toddler, for the love of God, dress like you are chasing after a kid. Just once, I’d like to see her wearing flats if she can’t resort to sneakers, and jeans – actually being a mom – chasing after her kid, instead of these ridiculous 4 inch heels and thousand dollar pants at the zoo or while shopping. It makes no sense to me.

http://www.goholmes.com/gallery/20070824/big_katie_holmes_and_suri_in_paris_7.html

Her borderline anorexia also makes little sense to me.

And finally, get rid of Suri’s bottle. Why does a 21 month old still have a bottle? That’s just embarrassing.

http://popsugar.com/gallery/209399?page=0,5,0

Now, you might wonder why I can no longer stand Katherine Heigl? I used to like her just fine. I didn’t mind her when she stuck up for T.R. Knight and defended his homosexuality. But then she just started taking it all too far. She just seems so self-righteous and preachy any more. The constant interviews with her over this new movie are really wearing on me, kind of like Seinfeld and that ridiculous Bee Movie.

One KT BFF pointed out that Heigl was happy to make millions off “Knocked Up” but is quick to criticize the movie for being anti-feminist. Well then, don’t star in it, but you don’t get to become a millionaire from the movie and then criticize the role.

Do one or the other, sister.

And my final rant on this cold February morning is Trista. First of all, why is this woman given a platform? She is not a celebrity. She has no talent. She is attractive and was on reality TV many years ago. I just don’t understand why she continues to be given attention and magazine covers. If you didn’t see it, then you might want to just keep it that way because your life will be better, but here’s Trista’s latest cover story. I’m so sick of these stories.

http://usmagazine.com/exclusive_baby_trista_debuts_her_shocking_bikini_body

I would like to end on a positive note, however. In case you missed this in all the other celeb news this week, Salma Hayek is up to some good. She is one of my favorite new celeb moms and she just really nailed it with her announcement that she is working with Pampers and UNICEF as a spokeswoman to help promote vaccinations against tetanus for pregnant women and babies in Asia and Africa. Salma rules. We need more celeb moms like her.

http://lilsugar.com/944940

 

The Feminine Mistake January 16, 2008

Filed under: Husbands,Motherhood,Work — Wired_Momma @ 3:48 pm

A friend recently loaned me the controversial book “The Feminine Mistake.” I’m only a few pages into it, so it’s far too early for me to really comment on the book, specifically. That said, what’s to stop me from commenting on the overall premise?

I’m sure you all know by now that basically the author’s argument is that if women step out of the workforce to stay home full-time with their children, they are basically putting themselves in a vulnerable position. By earning no income on her own, the idea is that the woman is then putting herself in a corner should her marriage fall apart. She has then relied too heavily on her husband, financially, and she is at risk to not find the same kind of work and pay again if she needs to re-enter the workforce, and what about the care of her children? How will she be able to continue supporting them as they are used to being taken care of?

Again – without having read the book yet – on the surface it seems that the premise is a very harsh, dark cold one. Afterall, when we head down the alter to meet our groom and become husband and wife – surely no one’s thinking about what to do when the whole thing falls apart.

And when we get pregnant and deliver our first child into this world, surely no one is thinking about what we’ll do if the whole thing falls apart.

Same with when we quit our jobs to stay home full-time to tend to our children.

Bottom line is – everything we do, in terms of big, real decisions, in my view, is a leap of faith. You can’t get any assurances in this world – you have to just view it as the glass half full and move on.

So how do I take that philosophy on life and apply it against the “Feminine Mistake” premise, which is to very cautiously and conservatively, constantly plan for the worst in life and have yourself covered?

I don’t really have an answer to that. The truth is, while I think that the big decisions we make are leaps of faith and we can’t really plan for what happens when the whole thing falls apart, I think it’s naive to not consider that as an option.

We have no guarantees. We don’t know what our life is going to be in 15 years, we don’t know how we will change, how our husbands will change. How do you know that further down the road, you won’t suddenly become obsessed with skateboarding as your hobby and start spending too much time with teens at the skate park?

Sure, it might seem ludicrous right now – but it happens.

Just like affairs happen, illness happens, stress from life happens and wears on a marriage. Wears it out.

So no, you don’t think about that when you’re bounding down the aisle in a white gown, but the truth is – with the divorce rate what it is in this country, it is naive to not consider the hard horrible outcomes when making this choice.

You might be wondering why I’m bringing this up now when this book is not new. Basically a conversation I had with a friend last week over baby happy hour has been percolating in my mind since Friday and you know my rule of thumb, if I’ve thought about it for more than 2-3 days, it’s blog material.

My friend said that the discussion of the book during her book club meeting really turned contentious. There were younger moms in the room and many of them were almost offended at her suggestion that you’re naive to think that divorce and the dissolution of your marriage isn’t a possibility and so you should protect yourself with work.

Those aren’t words any of us ever want to hear but I just don’t think it’s that wrong to consider when making the decisions we make.

Even so, I still view the cup as half full.