Yesterday afternoon I wasted an inordinate amount of time in the post office, in line. We’ve all been there. And while the clock was ticking, I started having Ally McBeal style fantasies about how I could move things along quicker and get out of there faster.
And then it hit me.
If only I were a Superhero. I could whisk in there so fast, that no one would notice that I cut to the front of the line.
Or even better. If I had Superhero powers, I could bust through that horrid plastic shield between me and the postal worker, and expedite the process. Could she work ANY slower?
By the time I was out of there, I was Transporter Girl, defying space and time, transporting myself to the places I needed to go, thereby wasting no time waiting in line, and ultimately maximizing my time doing more important things. Like being with my darling daughter.
Even better, as Transporter Girl, I never waste time commuting. Mais non!
I instead walk out my front door and BAM!
Land behind my desk.
Even better, wish to leave work and BAM! I am home playing with darling daughter.
Isn’t life grand as Transporter Girl?
So then I got to thinking. What would other Mom’s be if they could choose Superhero powers? And I knew that by asking other Mom’s, they would immediately recognize the importance of selecting powers that will make their life easier as a mom. Not to waste time saving the world and fighting an evil nemesis. Hell no.
Superhero powers that make everything happen more efficiently, better, faster – all for the kids and the simplicity of life. And maybe a hot pink leotard and some hot pants to accompany our superhero status, of course. If we’re going to be Superheroes, we’re going to be Super Hot as well.
Interestingly enough, I then conducted an unscientific poll.
Think of it like a focus group. And I found consistencies.
In fact, two mom’s, independent of one another, quickly said they wanted to be Elastic Girl from The Incredibles:
Why, asked KT.
Because of the bendy body. They could then stretch to incredible lengths and fill a sippy cup with milk without leaving the room and stopping doing the dishes. Or if their kids are being suspiciously quiet while playing in the other room, she could bend her neck all the way down the hall and around the corner to check on them, all the while still working on the computer.
And you know what other Superhero status Mom’s requested?
Again, independently of one another.
You got it, a throw back to the 60s.
These mom’s wanted to just wiggle their nose and things would be done. Wiggle her nose and bam – dinner is made, bed is made, hair is done and perfectly. Wiggle nose and son is stopped from being injured. Wiggle nose and idiot person stops saying stupid thing and no one is offended.
Wiggle nose and not only are all the groceries purchased but they are put away in her cabinents.
NOW you’re talking.
I think Bewitched could take on Elastic Girl but Bewitched could kick Transporter Girl’s ass in terms of time management and efficiency.
As part of the non-scientific research, KT decided to ask her husband what superpowers he would take. And a dear KT friend asked her husband the same. This particular friend followed it up with “I’m sure he’ll pick something totally gay.”
Keep in mind, the husband portion of the experiment is certainly not statistically significant but yet, I’m going to go out on a Elastic Girl bendy arm and say: Me thinks it is still representative of the American Husband.
Just as you might suspect, rather than selecting Super Powers that will make life easier as a parent, they instead just picked Super Powers for the sake of it.
One unsuspecting husband picked “Silver Surfer” because he’s cool.
Mine? He said “I’d fly.”
“Why?” said KT.
“Because I’m lazy and then I wouldn’t have to walk.”