Dear fans of KT know that I recently applied for a job to be the next Queen of England. Shockingly, my beloved Prince William has yet to respond to my somewhat forward and presumptuous application.
I know. I know. You are all devastated. I would make such a great Queen.
But see, KT doesn’t dwell on things. She moves on. And so today, I am applying for another job. This one isn’t quite as high profile as being Queen, but it will suffice.
It sill would include a makeup and hair stylist. Surely a publicist. And most definitely gobs of loyal fans. Something I could get used too. And fast.
So – you are wondering – KT – what is it?
It is this: Jenny Garner is shopping around a new show, kind of like “The View” but for mom’s.
According to People, Jenny Garner would be the Barbara Walters of the show:
So today, I am writing to you, dear friend Jenny Garner. This is my application to be on your show.
First of all, I’ve considered you my celeb mom kindred spirit. We had our daughters around the same time. And frankly, you seem normal and nice. I like that you are photographed having fun at the park with your daughter.
I go to the park with my daughter too. And I smile and look pretty too. Except there are no paparazzi there trailing me around. But I’d look cute like you too. And my sweet daughter, well, she’s pretty good looking, so she’d look great in the pics too.
But see – you don’t need a twinkie on the show. You need someone different from you. And while some say my body is like yours, we are still different.
See, I am Rosie to your Barbara Walters.
But I’m good looking Rosie.
I can easily offend Republicans.
I thrive off stirring the pot.
I have lots of opinions that I LOVE to share and would love even more to be PAID to share them.
And I’m funny. And if you pick some mousy demure Republican mom to be on the show, I’ll pick on her. Mercilessly. The fans will love it.
Oh, and did I mention I’m also a mom. I’m a real mom. Not that you’re not. But see, we’re different kinds of mom’s because well, we have different kinds of money and accessibility to things.
So while you are off putting together your show, know that you’ve got a perfect co-hostess right here in DC, waiting for your call, to help spruce up your ratings. I can hurl insults at Trump, I can mock his hair. I will even find a new shtick. Hell, with the Presidential election season quickly coming upon us, there are endless opportunities to insult old white men.
Jenny G – I’m your gal.
I’ll have my people contact your people.