Kitty Time

Motherhood, babies, life, celebrities, politics…kitty’s claws come out when she’s in the mood.

It’s Biblical, people January 31, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — Wired_Momma @ 4:47 pm

It happened again.

Different day.

Different topic.

Yet – I found myself in that same place again. That state of shock. That state of horror. And really, that state of embarassment.

THIS is national news? THIS is what I’m supposed to listen too.

You got it.

Once again, this morning, Kitty-Time was upstairs, cherishing a few precious minutes to herself, with her cold coffee, tearing through her closet looking for something to wear to work, listening to the “Today Show” and this is what she heard: “It’s biblical, really.”

Now, surely you are wondering – what is biblical?

The miracle of birth?
The magnitude of how stem cell research can help fight debilitating diseases?

Mais non!

HAIR.

HAIR IS BIBLICAL.

I really, really, can’t even make this up. Seriously. I’m not even exaggerating to you this time. It’s true.

Let me repeat: HAIR IS BIBLICAL.

Some idiot woman said that on the “Today” show this morning and Ann Curry was smiling and nodding away.

Did any of you see this?

How can the producers of this show look themselves in the mirror every day? How can Ann Curry consider herself a newswoman? I’m sorry. Is there not a civil war in Iraq? How about the genocide in Sudan? Did anyone read Kristof’s column in Sunday’s NYT about the militia tossing babies into burning fires in Darfur? http://select.nytimes.com/2007/01/28/opinion/28kristof.html?n=Top%2fOpinion%2fEditorials%20and%20Op%2dEd%2fOp%2dEd%2fColumnists

What about the lack of healthcare for poor women and children in our country?

Is any of that really important when we have HAIR to talk about?

Sure. I, too, like to think about my hair. I feel bad when it’s frizzy and psycho in the summer and when it’s overgrown and needs a trim. I cringe when I look in the mirror and see roots in the reflection back. I mock those with mullets. I giggle when I see all of your old high school pics with huge bangs. We all like to talk about Hair.

But is this really what we need to be spending a few minutes discussing on the “Today” show?

I really am beginning to take issue with some of our national news programs.

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Neglect? Lazy supervision? It can only mean the worst. January 30, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — Wired_Momma @ 5:23 pm

Sometimes we all jump off the ledge without looking back. Sometimes, we all just assume the worst and can’t imagine anything else could be the reason. Sometimes we assume that no call, means sudden death and flaming cars. Sometimes we see the smallest thing and assume it means our child is being tortured, neglected and abused.

Sometimes Kitty-Time exaggerates.

But not always.

And so, here is another time when Kitty-Time will shamelessly pull back the curtain and reveal the inner-workings of her brilliant and, never dramatic, mind.

Over the course of the past week or so, Kitty-Time has found books in her darling daughter’s crib in the evenings. At first, she wondered – perhaps the nanny was cleaning the room and was just trying to entertain her darling daughter with a book while keeping her safely contained in the crib.

But it kept happening. And her room doesn’t get cleaned every day.

And by the third day, it could only mean neglect. It could only mean that darling daughter was being forced to stay in the crib against her will, crying out for attention, in desperate need for one of her parents to return home and lavish her with love and affection.

Right?

Surely that is the only thing it could mean.

Kitty-Time began wondering – should we start spying on nanny? Has she grown lazy and uninterested in her job? Does she leave darling daughter up there for long periods of time? What is happening? What could be the cause of it.

Of course, add into the mix the amount of time that passes from the evening when Kitty-Time wonders this – to the chaos of the next morning as I’m darting out the door (late) for work, and rest assured that I pretty much always forget to ask.

But not this morning. Last night Kitty-Time found STAMPS in her darling daughter’s crib. One had even been removed.

This could only mean the nanny was not only neglecting the child but leaving her there to choke on her own accord. Death was imminent.

Kitty-Time wondered, should she phone the nanny immediately, even though she’s left for the day, and question her?
Kitty-Time’s husband, always relaxed and laid back, assured me that everything was fine and I could just ask in the morning.

And so, I asked. This time, I remembered!

And much to my great relief and amusement, I learned something precious about my darling daughter.

We’ve known for quite some time that she loves books. And she loves pictures and colors. She spends more time with her books some days than with her toys. It’s true, she’s a woman on a mission. She cannot rest until every flap has been carefully removed from every book. But still, she is obsessed. What I adore is that she knows which direction to hold the book. How does she know the letters are upside down? She can’t read. And yet, she knows.

And so, it turns out that darling daughter has somehow been moving the bumper pad out of the way, stretching her little gumby arms as far as they can go, and removing books from a basket next to the crib, and amusing herself by “reading” until she decides to let someone know she is, in fact, not sleeping, and would like to be removed from her crib.

Ahh….the dramatic mind of a mother…and the resourceful skills of a 14 month old.

Kitty-Time will admit, this was a fabulous way to start the day; To gain an insight into how darling daughter spends her alone time up in her room, when no one is watching. Of course, apparently she isn’t sleeping as long as I thought, but still, at least she isn’t being neglected.

 

Finally….some real & healthy women January 29, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — Wired_Momma @ 6:31 pm

Kitty-Time has been remiss in not posting about this sooner. In fact, ABC deserves a real shout-out for hiring some fabulous actresses with tremendous talent and REAL BODIES.

But first, let’s set the stage. IS there anyone out there who thinks Ellen Pompeo or Terri Hatcher look good? IF you do – then go find something else to read. And grab a Snickers along the way. Kitty-Time is here to tell you that these two women are just two examples of far too many actresses that look DISGUSTING.

In particular, as the mother of a daughter, I think that it is fundamentally important that we all set positive examples for our children with food and health, and this includes healthy eating. No need to gorge on an entire super size bag of M&M’s but honestly, no need to count out three M&M’s for an accurate serving size and for your exclusive treat for the week. You get my point. I think Terri Hatcher and Ellen Pompeo would look so much better if they each gained about 15 pounds. I actually cringe when I see them.

But back to positive Kitty-Time. Let’s give a shout out to some actresses that have very real and very beautiful bodies.

Katherine Heigl of “Grey’s Anatomy” is one. She is definitely very sexy but not too thin. She has curves. How about Sara Ramirez, also of “Grey’s.” At first glance, you might find yourself thinking she is “big.”
But if you think that, then you obviously didn’t see her shimmying in her underwear last year. She was hot. Not many can get away with that. Her body is real, it is strong, it is healthy and she looks fantastic.

How about America Ferrera from “Ugly Betty.” I don’t watch this show but I just glanced through the pictures from last night’s SAG awards and she looks GORGEOUS. Again – beautiful curves.

And finally, the very woman Kitty-Time would love to be, Chandra Wilson, from “Grey’s Anatomy.” She is my favorite female character on TV. Strong, intelligent, funny, but still an emotional mom. She is definitely not stick thin. But she is real. And I love her for it.

For a quick glance at some of the gowns from last night’s SAG Awards..and to see some of the very actresses I speak of…click here: http://www.usatoday.com/life/front.htm

And finally, of all the actresses I just mentioned, only one is white. One is African American and two are Latina. I could have mentioned Jennifer Hudson but she sort of pisses me off. She’s just a regular person off the street. How do we know that I couldn’t win an Oscar if given the chance?

Again, I digress.

Back to ethnicity’s. Of the actresses I mentioned, Katherine Heigl is also the thinnest. This disturbs me. These are very real cultural differences. We expect Latina women and African American women to have curves. But we expect the white actresses to have the body of a 12 year old boy. Time for all of us to see more actresses with real bodies and praise them for it.

So catch yourself before you call one of these women “big,” ladies. Especially if you have a little daughter in your house.

 

Yeah…I’m Judging

Filed under: Uncategorized — Wired_Momma @ 5:24 pm

OK – so I might have been all about positive mom talk last week…claiming that there is too much mom vs. mom attacks in the media.

But today is Monday. The beginning of a new week..and almost the beginning of a new month (is it me, or has January DRAGGED ON AND ON? maybe it’s because I spent my shopping/frivolous budget for the month by around Jan 12th but this is torture).

Anyhoo…Kitty-Time digresses. Back to judging.

So – my claws are out with Brit-Brit. She’s just so trashy, she seems to have hit rock bottom since she declared she was divorcing KFed. I mean – is she ever home with her children? Is she ever sober? Does she not realize how WT she looks? And where is a pic of her kid? Is it Jayden James? Sutton Pierce? Why haven’t we seen him? And why isn’t anyone crying foul like they did when little Suri Cruise was kept hidden for so long?

And so, while I’m busily judging Brit for being a lousy absent mom (yeah – she might be the one giving Baby Happy Hour a bad name)……imagine my shock when I am AMUSED and somewhat taken with..GASP…KFed.
Quel Horreur!

You got it. KFed is doing a good job of warming us up to him…and how is he doing that, dear readers? By making fun of himself.

You got it.

The annual Super Bowl is this coming Sunday (what a total waste of everyone’s time) BUT KFed is featured in a Nationwide Insurance commercial making fun of his current financial state…check out the hilarious overview on my fav Pink is the New Blog:
http://www.trent.blogspot.com/

 

Baby Happy Hour – A National Crisis January 26, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — Wired_Momma @ 2:28 pm

Kitty-time, like most mom’s, gets very few minutes to herself in the morning before darting off to work. And while I am always 15-25 minutes late to work, you can rest assured that I have pretty much been up since 5:45am and have been running around like a fool the entire time. Subsequently, those precious few minutes to myself, in my bedroom, while I figure out what to wear to work and apply some makeup, are minutes I cherish. Now – these minutes aren’t stress free. Kitty-time is generally running through a laundry list of items in her mind about the upcoming day, what needs to be done that evening, what needs to be defrosted for dinner, does the darling daughter’s laundry need to be done, did I leave out warm enough clothes for her for the day, did I remember to put out her lunch, did I need to talk to the nanny about anything, what else am I forgetting, and so on and so forth.

If there is time, Kitty-Time quite enjoys tuning into a morning news program to hear what might be considered news for those precious few minutes while she sips her cold coffee and wonders what the hell to wear to work that day.

And so – imagine my dismay and anger when, during those precious few minutes this morning, my time was utterly wasted with crap. And Meredith Viera was leading the charge.

Apparently we have a pending national pandemic of alcoholic mom’s, people. In fact, the ever-so-credible polling results from ivillage.com, indicates that over 50% of respondents think something gravely wrong is happening. So, we should all jump on the bandwagon to continue judging other mom’s. You got it.

When gathering together for late afternoon/early evening play dates, it seems that women are – GASP – having SOMETHING TO DRINK. A true beverage complete with alcohol.

MON DIEU!

How dare these women get together and do anything but oodle over every move their precious child makes.

How dare they get together, let the children play, and have a few sips of some wine as a way to wind down from the otherwise hectic day.

These hideous women are surely just raising a bunch of pinko commie alcoholic floozies for children. What else can this possibly mean?

I mean seriously.

THIS is national news? THIS is what the Today Show is talking about during the coveted time of 8:15am.

If I could have crawled through the screen and punched Meredith in the face, I would have (indeed, apparently I am teaching my child that alcohol AND violence can solve your problems).

Apparently these women, and kitty-time is included because she looks forward to Baby Happy Hour every Friday, are teaching their children that they need alcohol to have a good time.

Not to mention, these women are diminishing their ability to properly tend to their children should the need arise.

What about the lesson in responsible consumption? What about having a glass of wine while chatting with friends and watching children play, is wrong? This is just completely ridiculous.

In case you think I’ve had one too many, feel free to read the online recap here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16818362/

I really have nothing more to say about this other than I hope all of you have Baby Happy Hour plans tonight.

 

Wiki-Parenting January 25, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — Wired_Momma @ 3:21 pm

By now, we all are quite familiar with the online dictionary, Wikipedia. It’s quite ingenious in its format and what’s more delightful than being able to edit the definition of a word? We all love to weigh in and redefine how we see things, what we think the real definition is. It’s genius, really. And just admit it – every single one of you LOVES to chime in on what something means. After all, you wouldn’t be a kitty-time fan if you didn’t have opinions of your own to spread around like wildfire!

So imagine my delight when I read a column posted in the online-mag Slate today. It’s called “Wiki-Parenting.”

And it is a brilliant and creative dissertation on what Kitty-Time likes to call “Group Parenting.”

Ahh yes….group parenting. If you have a child, you are all-too familiar with this concept. If you don’t have a child, then you probably naively fall into that category of believing that this won’t happen to you and having a family member be your full-time nanny is a dream come true.

Gather round, kittens, if you believe that to be true, I’ll tell you another.

For those of you who know what I’m talking about, read on for some humor.

Group Parenting, or Wiki-Parenting, is something we all have done and have experienced. Also admit that one. You’re just as guilty as moi. C’est vrai!

Group Parenting is the most overwhelming when you are a new parent and you are totally clueless. You really have no idea what you are doing and you are just faking it and not sure if you’re going to make it. In fact, secretly, in the wee hours of the morning, in a dark cavernous corner of your house, you are looking up the return policy for this little child that’s just entered your life. Did it REALLY come out of you, you wonder?

And so, to add to your hormonal roller coaster and sleep deprived mind, comes the confusing entry of Group Wiki-Parenting. You say one thing, someone else says another. And then, someone else adds in something else. And before you know it, you don’t know up from down, let alone right from wrong.

Does Junior need a new diaper? Is it wet? It’s wet but maybe he doesn’t need it changed? It’s not wet but maybe he does need it changed? He’s crying because he’s hungry? What’s that you say, he’s crying because he’s not hungry? OK, but maybe he’s overtired? what’s that? He’s not overtired he’s hungry?
Or wait, what? He’s crying because he’s not wet but he’s still wants his diaper changed?
No no…shouts another..he’s crying because he woke up too early from his nap and needs to go back down!
No no….he’s crying because he woke up early from his nap because his diaper is wet AND he’s hungry.

Ahhh…yes….group parenting at its finest. It’s super. You’ll love it. And don’t forget, most offenders state the “obvious” solution with the utmost authority. There is no doubt lingering in their tone, therefore, well, they must be right, right?

The most egregious offenders are those without children. What the hell do they know?

Guess what?

NOTHING.

But sometimes, they can be right. Because sometimes, you are so flippin tired, that a dog on the street knows more than you.

And yet, it seems that group parenting, it never ends.

And just when you vow to never do it to someone else, you hear those words coming out of your mouth. It’s like an out of body experience.
Did you really just add into the ring of group parenting? You really just joined the mob? You just became THAT person? How hideous. Mon Dieu!

So, for a good read for those of you who know exactly what I am speaking of, check out this column: http://www.slate.com/id/2158216?nav=wp

And for those expecting parents out there, trust moi. Group Wiki-Parenting….is an equal opportunity offender. Not one of you will come away unscathed.

 

State of the Union January 24, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — Wired_Momma @ 2:49 pm

Today’s post is not about what you think. Surely you are anticipating a witty blog about last night’s SOTU speech, filled with quips. Mais non.

Something much more important to me is happening. And it’s about my state of the union. All is not well on Wisteria Lane, folks. When something is awry with Kitty-Time’s daughter, nothing else can capture my attention. Not even the idiot that wore the blue tie last night.

Kitty-time’s darling daughter loves her bath time. She plays and laughs and talks to her toys and kicks and splashes throughout bathtime. It has always been a real highlight of our day, to end the day on such a fun note. Playing and watching her delight in bath time before bed. Sure, we’ve had some rough patches with bath time. When she was a bit younger, she did lose all bath time toy privileges because she would get so riled up and then wouldn’t go to sleep.

But she is much more mature now. She has experienced 14 months of life and can handle exciting play time before bed time now. It’s how she unwinds from the difficult life of a 14 month old. Not to mention, she appreciates the value of a clean body and some lavendar lotion before bed time.

And then, it all changed.

Now, one of the harshest lessons Kitty-Time has learned about motherhood is that babies change on a dime. JUST when you think you’ve figured something out, they go and change. It’s that whole curveball thing I was talking about a few entries ago. But this one, has really thrown me.

As of two nights ago, she literally screams bloody murder when we put her in the bath. But mere seconds before, she is admiring herself in the mirror and laughing and talking.

What gives? Adopted mommies out there…come forward and enlighten moi, please.

Now – before you go thinking I’ve lost my mind – realize that the bath water temperature is fine, the air temperature is fine, nothing traumatic has happened to her in the tub, she goes to bed without a problem, so it’s not some kind of temper tantrum because she doesn’t want to sleep. It’s just about the bath.

She is anti-bath.

Maybe it’s the French in her, coming out?

Or the environmentalist?

She doesn’t want to waste all that water every night?

She likes the smell of a few days of hard play?

I am stumped.

She has plenty of toys, so it’s not that she’s wanting for entertainment while bathing.

My suspicion is that while my middle name used to be “scheduling police” it is now “master of distraction.” Indeed. My suspicion is that the little one is now a toddler, has a better understanding of the world around her, and just abruptly decided that she does not want to bathe.

And so, I think I need to make it a game. Kitty-time’s wise mother suggested I finish undressing her beside the tub and let her play with some toys next to the tub, to get her distracted and excited about bath time. I will try this tonight.

Any other suggestions, I’m open ears.