It’s Biblical, people January 31, 2007

It happened again.

Different day.

Different topic.

Yet – I found myself in that same place again. That state of shock. That state of horror. And really, that state of embarassment.

THIS is national news? THIS is what I’m supposed to listen too.

You got it.

Once again, this morning, Kitty-Time was upstairs, cherishing a few precious minutes to herself, with her cold coffee, tearing through her closet looking for something to wear to work, listening to the “Today Show” and this is what she heard: “It’s biblical, really.”

Now, surely you are wondering – what is biblical?

The miracle of birth?
The magnitude of how stem cell research can help fight debilitating diseases?

Mais non!

HAIR.

HAIR IS BIBLICAL.

I really, really, can’t even make this up. Seriously. I’m not even exaggerating to you this time. It’s true.

Let me repeat: HAIR IS BIBLICAL.

Some idiot woman said that on the “Today” show this morning and Ann Curry was smiling and nodding away.

Did any of you see this?

How can the producers of this show look themselves in the mirror every day? How can Ann Curry consider herself a newswoman? I’m sorry. Is there not a civil war in Iraq? How about the genocide in Sudan? Did anyone read Kristof’s column in Sunday’s NYT about the militia tossing babies into burning fires in Darfur? http://select.nytimes.com/2007/01/28/opinion/28kristof.html?n=Top%2fOpinion%2fEditorials%20and%20Op%2dEd%2fOp%2dEd%2fColumnists

What about the lack of healthcare for poor women and children in our country?

Is any of that really important when we have HAIR to talk about?

Sure. I, too, like to think about my hair. I feel bad when it’s frizzy and psycho in the summer and when it’s overgrown and needs a trim. I cringe when I look in the mirror and see roots in the reflection back. I mock those with mullets. I giggle when I see all of your old high school pics with huge bangs. We all like to talk about Hair.

But is this really what we need to be spending a few minutes discussing on the “Today” show?

I really am beginning to take issue with some of our national news programs.

Neglect? Lazy supervision? It can only mean the worst. January 30, 2007

Sometimes we all jump off the ledge without looking back. Sometimes, we all just assume the worst and can’t imagine anything else could be the reason. Sometimes we assume that no call, means sudden death and flaming cars. Sometimes we see the smallest thing and assume it means our child is being tortured, neglected and abused.

Sometimes Kitty-Time exaggerates.

But not always.

And so, here is another time when Kitty-Time will shamelessly pull back the curtain and reveal the inner-workings of her brilliant and, never dramatic, mind.

Over the course of the past week or so, Kitty-Time has found books in her darling daughter’s crib in the evenings. At first, she wondered – perhaps the nanny was cleaning the room and was just trying to entertain her darling daughter with a book while keeping her safely contained in the crib.

But it kept happening. And her room doesn’t get cleaned every day.

And by the third day, it could only mean neglect. It could only mean that darling daughter was being forced to stay in the crib against her will, crying out for attention, in desperate need for one of her parents to return home and lavish her with love and affection.

Right?

Surely that is the only thing it could mean.

Kitty-Time began wondering – should we start spying on nanny? Has she grown lazy and uninterested in her job? Does she leave darling daughter up there for long periods of time? What is happening? What could be the cause of it.

Of course, add into the mix the amount of time that passes from the evening when Kitty-Time wonders this – to the chaos of the next morning as I’m darting out the door (late) for work, and rest assured that I pretty much always forget to ask.

But not this morning. Last night Kitty-Time found STAMPS in her darling daughter’s crib. One had even been removed.

This could only mean the nanny was not only neglecting the child but leaving her there to choke on her own accord. Death was imminent.

Kitty-Time wondered, should she phone the nanny immediately, even though she’s left for the day, and question her?
Kitty-Time’s husband, always relaxed and laid back, assured me that everything was fine and I could just ask in the morning.

And so, I asked. This time, I remembered!

And much to my great relief and amusement, I learned something precious about my darling daughter.

We’ve known for quite some time that she loves books. And she loves pictures and colors. She spends more time with her books some days than with her toys. It’s true, she’s a woman on a mission. She cannot rest until every flap has been carefully removed from every book. But still, she is obsessed. What I adore is that she knows which direction to hold the book. How does she know the letters are upside down? She can’t read. And yet, she knows.

And so, it turns out that darling daughter has somehow been moving the bumper pad out of the way, stretching her little gumby arms as far as they can go, and removing books from a basket next to the crib, and amusing herself by “reading” until she decides to let someone know she is, in fact, not sleeping, and would like to be removed from her crib.

Ahh….the dramatic mind of a mother…and the resourceful skills of a 14 month old.

Kitty-Time will admit, this was a fabulous way to start the day; To gain an insight into how darling daughter spends her alone time up in her room, when no one is watching. Of course, apparently she isn’t sleeping as long as I thought, but still, at least she isn’t being neglected.

Finally….some real & healthy women January 29, 2007

Kitty-Time has been remiss in not posting about this sooner. In fact, ABC deserves a real shout-out for hiring some fabulous actresses with tremendous talent and REAL BODIES.

But first, let’s set the stage. IS there anyone out there who thinks Ellen Pompeo or Terri Hatcher look good? IF you do – then go find something else to read. And grab a Snickers along the way. Kitty-Time is here to tell you that these two women are just two examples of far too many actresses that look DISGUSTING.

In particular, as the mother of a daughter, I think that it is fundamentally important that we all set positive examples for our children with food and health, and this includes healthy eating. No need to gorge on an entire super size bag of M&M’s but honestly, no need to count out three M&M’s for an accurate serving size and for your exclusive treat for the week. You get my point. I think Terri Hatcher and Ellen Pompeo would look so much better if they each gained about 15 pounds. I actually cringe when I see them.

But back to positive Kitty-Time. Let’s give a shout out to some actresses that have very real and very beautiful bodies.

Katherine Heigl of “Grey’s Anatomy” is one. She is definitely very sexy but not too thin. She has curves. How about Sara Ramirez, also of “Grey’s.” At first glance, you might find yourself thinking she is “big.”
But if you think that, then you obviously didn’t see her shimmying in her underwear last year. She was hot. Not many can get away with that. Her body is real, it is strong, it is healthy and she looks fantastic.

How about America Ferrera from “Ugly Betty.” I don’t watch this show but I just glanced through the pictures from last night’s SAG awards and she looks GORGEOUS. Again – beautiful curves.

And finally, the very woman Kitty-Time would love to be, Chandra Wilson, from “Grey’s Anatomy.” She is my favorite female character on TV. Strong, intelligent, funny, but still an emotional mom. She is definitely not stick thin. But she is real. And I love her for it.

For a quick glance at some of the gowns from last night’s SAG Awards..and to see some of the very actresses I speak of…click here: http://www.usatoday.com/life/front.htm

And finally, of all the actresses I just mentioned, only one is white. One is African American and two are Latina. I could have mentioned Jennifer Hudson but she sort of pisses me off. She’s just a regular person off the street. How do we know that I couldn’t win an Oscar if given the chance?

Again, I digress.

Back to ethnicity’s. Of the actresses I mentioned, Katherine Heigl is also the thinnest. This disturbs me. These are very real cultural differences. We expect Latina women and African American women to have curves. But we expect the white actresses to have the body of a 12 year old boy. Time for all of us to see more actresses with real bodies and praise them for it.

So catch yourself before you call one of these women “big,” ladies. Especially if you have a little daughter in your house.

Yeah…I’m Judging January 29, 2007

OK – so I might have been all about positive mom talk last week…claiming that there is too much mom vs. mom attacks in the media.

But today is Monday. The beginning of a new week..and almost the beginning of a new month (is it me, or has January DRAGGED ON AND ON? maybe it’s because I spent my shopping/frivolous budget for the month by around Jan 12th but this is torture).

Anyhoo…Kitty-Time digresses. Back to judging.

So – my claws are out with Brit-Brit. She’s just so trashy, she seems to have hit rock bottom since she declared she was divorcing KFed. I mean – is she ever home with her children? Is she ever sober? Does she not realize how WT she looks? And where is a pic of her kid? Is it Jayden James? Sutton Pierce? Why haven’t we seen him? And why isn’t anyone crying foul like they did when little Suri Cruise was kept hidden for so long?

And so, while I’m busily judging Brit for being a lousy absent mom (yeah – she might be the one giving Baby Happy Hour a bad name)……imagine my shock when I am AMUSED and somewhat taken with..GASP…KFed.
Quel Horreur!

You got it. KFed is doing a good job of warming us up to him…and how is he doing that, dear readers? By making fun of himself.

You got it.

The annual Super Bowl is this coming Sunday (what a total waste of everyone’s time) BUT KFed is featured in a Nationwide Insurance commercial making fun of his current financial state…check out the hilarious overview on my fav Pink is the New Blog:
http://www.trent.blogspot.com/

Baby Happy Hour – A National Crisis January 26, 2007

Kitty-time, like most mom’s, gets very few minutes to herself in the morning before darting off to work. And while I am always 15-25 minutes late to work, you can rest assured that I have pretty much been up since 5:45am and have been running around like a fool the entire time. Subsequently, those precious few minutes to myself, in my bedroom, while I figure out what to wear to work and apply some makeup, are minutes I cherish. Now – these minutes aren’t stress free. Kitty-time is generally running through a laundry list of items in her mind about the upcoming day, what needs to be done that evening, what needs to be defrosted for dinner, does the darling daughter’s laundry need to be done, did I leave out warm enough clothes for her for the day, did I remember to put out her lunch, did I need to talk to the nanny about anything, what else am I forgetting, and so on and so forth.

If there is time, Kitty-Time quite enjoys tuning into a morning news program to hear what might be considered news for those precious few minutes while she sips her cold coffee and wonders what the hell to wear to work that day.

And so – imagine my dismay and anger when, during those precious few minutes this morning, my time was utterly wasted with crap. And Meredith Viera was leading the charge.

Apparently we have a pending national pandemic of alcoholic mom’s, people. In fact, the ever-so-credible polling results from ivillage.com, indicates that over 50% of respondents think something gravely wrong is happening. So, we should all jump on the bandwagon to continue judging other mom’s. You got it.

When gathering together for late afternoon/early evening play dates, it seems that women are – GASP – having SOMETHING TO DRINK. A true beverage complete with alcohol.

MON DIEU!

How dare these women get together and do anything but oodle over every move their precious child makes.

How dare they get together, let the children play, and have a few sips of some wine as a way to wind down from the otherwise hectic day.

These hideous women are surely just raising a bunch of pinko commie alcoholic floozies for children. What else can this possibly mean?

I mean seriously.

THIS is national news? THIS is what the Today Show is talking about during the coveted time of 8:15am.

If I could have crawled through the screen and punched Meredith in the face, I would have (indeed, apparently I am teaching my child that alcohol AND violence can solve your problems).

Apparently these women, and kitty-time is included because she looks forward to Baby Happy Hour every Friday, are teaching their children that they need alcohol to have a good time.

Not to mention, these women are diminishing their ability to properly tend to their children should the need arise.

What about the lesson in responsible consumption? What about having a glass of wine while chatting with friends and watching children play, is wrong? This is just completely ridiculous.

In case you think I’ve had one too many, feel free to read the online recap here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16818362/

I really have nothing more to say about this other than I hope all of you have Baby Happy Hour plans tonight.

Wiki-Parenting January 25, 2007

By now, we all are quite familiar with the online dictionary, Wikipedia. It’s quite ingenious in its format and what’s more delightful than being able to edit the definition of a word? We all love to weigh in and redefine how we see things, what we think the real definition is. It’s genius, really. And just admit it – every single one of you LOVES to chime in on what something means. After all, you wouldn’t be a kitty-time fan if you didn’t have opinions of your own to spread around like wildfire!

So imagine my delight when I read a column posted in the online-mag Slate today. It’s called “Wiki-Parenting.”

And it is a brilliant and creative dissertation on what Kitty-Time likes to call “Group Parenting.”

Ahh yes….group parenting. If you have a child, you are all-too familiar with this concept. If you don’t have a child, then you probably naively fall into that category of believing that this won’t happen to you and having a family member be your full-time nanny is a dream come true.

Gather round, kittens, if you believe that to be true, I’ll tell you another.

For those of you who know what I’m talking about, read on for some humor.

Group Parenting, or Wiki-Parenting, is something we all have done and have experienced. Also admit that one. You’re just as guilty as moi. C’est vrai!

Group Parenting is the most overwhelming when you are a new parent and you are totally clueless. You really have no idea what you are doing and you are just faking it and not sure if you’re going to make it. In fact, secretly, in the wee hours of the morning, in a dark cavernous corner of your house, you are looking up the return policy for this little child that’s just entered your life. Did it REALLY come out of you, you wonder?

And so, to add to your hormonal roller coaster and sleep deprived mind, comes the confusing entry of Group Wiki-Parenting. You say one thing, someone else says another. And then, someone else adds in something else. And before you know it, you don’t know up from down, let alone right from wrong.

Does Junior need a new diaper? Is it wet? It’s wet but maybe he doesn’t need it changed? It’s not wet but maybe he does need it changed? He’s crying because he’s hungry? What’s that you say, he’s crying because he’s not hungry? OK, but maybe he’s overtired? what’s that? He’s not overtired he’s hungry?
Or wait, what? He’s crying because he’s not wet but he’s still wants his diaper changed?
No no…shouts another..he’s crying because he woke up too early from his nap and needs to go back down!
No no….he’s crying because he woke up early from his nap because his diaper is wet AND he’s hungry.

Ahhh…yes….group parenting at its finest. It’s super. You’ll love it. And don’t forget, most offenders state the “obvious” solution with the utmost authority. There is no doubt lingering in their tone, therefore, well, they must be right, right?

The most egregious offenders are those without children. What the hell do they know?

Guess what?

NOTHING.

But sometimes, they can be right. Because sometimes, you are so flippin tired, that a dog on the street knows more than you.

And yet, it seems that group parenting, it never ends.

And just when you vow to never do it to someone else, you hear those words coming out of your mouth. It’s like an out of body experience.
Did you really just add into the ring of group parenting? You really just joined the mob? You just became THAT person? How hideous. Mon Dieu!

So, for a good read for those of you who know exactly what I am speaking of, check out this column: http://www.slate.com/id/2158216?nav=wp

And for those expecting parents out there, trust moi. Group Wiki-Parenting….is an equal opportunity offender. Not one of you will come away unscathed.

State of the Union January 24, 2007

Today’s post is not about what you think. Surely you are anticipating a witty blog about last night’s SOTU speech, filled with quips. Mais non.

Something much more important to me is happening. And it’s about my state of the union. All is not well on Wisteria Lane, folks. When something is awry with Kitty-Time’s daughter, nothing else can capture my attention. Not even the idiot that wore the blue tie last night.

Kitty-time’s darling daughter loves her bath time. She plays and laughs and talks to her toys and kicks and splashes throughout bathtime. It has always been a real highlight of our day, to end the day on such a fun note. Playing and watching her delight in bath time before bed. Sure, we’ve had some rough patches with bath time. When she was a bit younger, she did lose all bath time toy privileges because she would get so riled up and then wouldn’t go to sleep.

But she is much more mature now. She has experienced 14 months of life and can handle exciting play time before bed time now. It’s how she unwinds from the difficult life of a 14 month old. Not to mention, she appreciates the value of a clean body and some lavendar lotion before bed time.

And then, it all changed.

Now, one of the harshest lessons Kitty-Time has learned about motherhood is that babies change on a dime. JUST when you think you’ve figured something out, they go and change. It’s that whole curveball thing I was talking about a few entries ago. But this one, has really thrown me.

As of two nights ago, she literally screams bloody murder when we put her in the bath. But mere seconds before, she is admiring herself in the mirror and laughing and talking.

What gives? Adopted mommies out there…come forward and enlighten moi, please.

Now – before you go thinking I’ve lost my mind – realize that the bath water temperature is fine, the air temperature is fine, nothing traumatic has happened to her in the tub, she goes to bed without a problem, so it’s not some kind of temper tantrum because she doesn’t want to sleep. It’s just about the bath.

She is anti-bath.

Maybe it’s the French in her, coming out?

Or the environmentalist?

She doesn’t want to waste all that water every night?

She likes the smell of a few days of hard play?

I am stumped.

She has plenty of toys, so it’s not that she’s wanting for entertainment while bathing.

My suspicion is that while my middle name used to be “scheduling police” it is now “master of distraction.” Indeed. My suspicion is that the little one is now a toddler, has a better understanding of the world around her, and just abruptly decided that she does not want to bathe.

And so, I think I need to make it a game. Kitty-time’s wise mother suggested I finish undressing her beside the tub and let her play with some toys next to the tub, to get her distracted and excited about bath time. I will try this tonight.

Any other suggestions, I’m open ears.

The People are giving him a Thumpin’ January 23, 2007

Ahhh….how things have changed in our nation’s capitol. How sweet and magnifique for some. How dark and depressing for others. But wait – not so fast…not so dark and depressing for all.

C’est vrai. Tonight is the State of the Union. Kitty-time will likely cozy up on the couch and check up on the DVR’d shows. I hear this afternoon’s Oprah will feature the Stay-At-Home Mom’s vs. the Working Mom’s…..how positive and helpful of you, Oprah. I’ll be sure to tune in later.

But back to the highs and lows…..the sweet and the bitter……

New Washington Post/ABC poll numbers show the president’s approval rating is at an all time low. How wonderful. How wonderful that my fellow Americans are FINALLY PAYING ATTENTION.

Mon Dieu. It’s only taken SIX LONG AND MISERABLE YEARS.

The best part is that 71% of the country believes the President is seriously on the wrong track. Not just “off track” but “seriously” off track. That is fantastic.

Even the most brilliant of conservative republican “historians” can’t rewrite the ending to this president’s history. Mais non. It’s low and miserable and just plain terrible. He is probably the worst President, tied with Nixon, if not even worse, and there’s no rewriting this one, suckers.

And yet. Somehow. He’s still not paying attention. Somehow, it’s still not miserable and bitter for him.

The President will address an unfriendly Congress tonight.

So hopefully, when he stops awkwardly and pauses during his speech, waiting for the hootin‘ and hollerin‘ he’s used to hearing whenever he speaks, this time, he will be faced with a bone chilling silence. Just when we think the man can’t possibly prove that he listens to no one and does what he wants on his own terms – he goes and calls for an increase in the level of troops in Iraq.

Buddy. Dear, evil, hideous President. Come hither. Kitty-time is not afraid to speak freely to you. 65% of the public OPPOSE your plan to increase troops in Iraq.

It’s true, we know math isn’t your strong suit. You are in good company. Math is not kitty-time’s strength either. It can be fuzzy and confusing to many of us, c’est vrai. And yet, 65% is GREATER than 50%, which is half. In other words, more than half the country OPPOSES your plan. In fact, almost two-thirds of the country ARE AGAINST YOUR PLAN.

And making things worse, the people you will be addressing tonight. The men and women in the House and Senate. Yes, them. The MAJORITY of them (that means 50% or greater) – the majority of them represent the brilliant democratic voters who put them in power.

In other words, you’re about as lucky as a pimply dorky teen on prom night, my friend.

Ain’t gonna happen. No one believes you or likes your plan.

Kitty-time, she is not your friend, Monsieur Bush, but she speaks the truth.

And so, dear readers, if you really want to watch this man, with his deer in the headlights expression, address the nation and discuss a plan that no one likes…and just further lowers his approval ratings, tune in tonight.

In other assorted news, a new political web site launched today, http://www.politico.com/ Many of its writers are former Washington Post political writers, so log on. It’s not bad. Kitty-time is most interested in the Anne Schroder “shenanigans” gossip blog featured on the homepage.

And finally, could 2007 be the year of woman vs. woman in politics?
In one corner, we’ve got Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi.
In the other corner, we’ve got Condi-Sleezy and some of the Cheney women.

In today’s Washington Post, Liz Cheney submitted an oped piece and targets Hillary.
In case you are confused, Liz Cheney is the daughter the Cheney’s like to brag about. You know, the one that’s not gay and having a child out of wedlock. This one is just as hawkish as her dad and she’s married to a man. So it’s cool. We can put her out there and get her published in the Post, without embarrassing the family or rattling the conservative base. If you’d care to waste some time, check out her piece:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/01/22/AR2007012201103.html

Check back tomorrow kittens. Kitty-time will surely have something to say about the SOTU (think Bush will wear a blue tie tonight?) and this afternoon’s catty and ridiculous Oprah.

Bevy of Blue Babes January 22, 2007

Well, dear readers, it was a busy weekend for presidential candidates. And the Democratic field continues to expand…..by kitty-time’s last count, we officially have a bevy of 8 blue babes from which to pick from.

By now, unless you’re really living under a rock, we all know that Hillary officially announced that she is forming an exploratory committee. She is coming out of the gates trying to distinguish herself. Rather than the humdrum way of going on a popular TV show, such as the Today Show or Governator style going on Jay Leno, or announcing it during a speech on a politicially sensitive day, Hillary announced on her web site.

We could analyze the rational and strategic thinking behind that all day. But Kitty-Time will, instead, focus on one perspective. Personally, Kitty-Time has been struggling with whether it is fair to Hillary to constantly point out that she is a woman, are we ready, will anyone take her seriously? In other words, her main point of differentiation being that she is a woman, instead of focusing on her qualifications and education and experience. But, Hillary took that matter in her own hands on Saturday.

What did she do?

She announced it by video on her web site. But what does this have to do with her being a woman?

Sure, I noticed that her hair was professionally done and her makeup perfectly applied. No Katie Couric mascara gaffes.

But she was sitting on a FLORAL COUCH in her own living room and opened with a smile and said let’s have a conversation.

This setting, by definition, means that Hillary WANTS us to talk about her gender. She wants this to be a point of differentiation. You got it. No man, in his right mind, would announce that he is seeking office for the Presidency by sitting on his rose colored floral couch with a huge smile, as if he’s just invited us over for some coffee and afternoon gossip.

And so Hillary, Kitty-Time will now continue to comment on your candidacy and your ideas and your clothes and your hair..and your shoes….and your accessories…because those are all very feminine things…..and that’s what she wants us to do.

What about the other bevy of blue babes?

Latino Governor Richardson announced on Sunday. (NOTE: in no way is Kitty-Time implying that Richardson is a babe. Or even remotely attractive). He doesn’t have a dog in this fight compared to Obama or Hil or Edwards, so Kitty-Time won’t really waste her time on him just yet.

How each of these candidates will differentiate themselves, how they will market themselves, which one will utilize grassroots and viral marketing most effectively – who goes to YouTube first….Kitty-Time just doesn’t know. We’ll have to wait and see. But you better believe, I will be watching and commenting all the while.

Until then, how about the survey that came out last week announcing that 51% of women are single. Yesterday’s NYT “Week in Review” analyzed the survey results here: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/21/weekinreview/21zernike.html?em&ex=1169614800&en=b104feb86f0b5781&ei=5087%0A

What struck moi more than anything was the flippant way the writer noted that most women with children realize that their earning power will plateau once having children….and then she moved on to another topic.

Huh? Really. So, all of the working mom’s out there – we’ve reached the top of our earning power? How dare Ms. Zernike, herself a woman, maybe even a working mom, flippantly declare our earning power over..and then move on to another topic. By my last count, I’ve only been working 11 years. I’ve easily got another 25 years of working left in me. And yet, my ability to make more has already abruptly ended?

Then why the hell am I working?

Anyone care to comment? How about…..maybe it’s plateaued right now while my baby is still very young…and maybe it will not advance until I am done having kids and they are a bit older and need me less….but who knows? How dare this reporter just flippantly comment and move on, as if that isn’t a very significant and depressing thing to say.

And for the final word of today…..you can all breathe a deep sigh of relief. Kitty-Time’s dear nanny has returned to work! Indeed. C’est vrai. Apparently she did not have the right papers to get back into the country. It’s still not clear to me what papers she needed but who cares, she didn’t have them, thus the delay. All is well again.

Adopt-a-mom January 19, 2007

It’s true, Kitty-Time is still recovering from the great Nanny Drama of ‘07. Baby Happy Hour is already lined up for this evening. 5:15pm sharp. Chez moi. All are welcome if you are in the area. And for any preggos out there, you ought to have a drink too. Don’t be ridiculous. Some wine is good for you, so long as you are out of your first tri.
C’est vrai. Kitty-time is not a doctor. But don’t doubt me.

Drinking is not meant to be the subject of today’s entry, however. The subject is the Adopt-a-mom program. While it’s framework is not like the Adopt-A-Pet program from your local Petsmart, it’s not all-together that different, except the mom you adopt is the boss of you, not the other way around.

Every mom, especially new mom’s, need to adopt-a-mom who has children older than yours. If you are wondering why, you either don’t have children yet, or you are too stubborn to know everything you don’t know.

Kitty-time calls it like she sees it. No one knows all the tricks. ESPECIALLY new moms.

New mom’s, by kitty-time’s definition, are those with babies under the age of 8 months.

By 8 months, you’ve been through some bouts of teething, you’ve endured nap time drama, you’ve endured some kind of sickness (hopefully just a cold), you’ve returned to work and know how that changes the balance of your home, and you’re ready to face down the daunting task of baby mobility.

Until that point, you are still a new mom.

After that point, you still need your adopted mom. Don’t get too cocky, now. Kitty-time will admitt she darted from Babies’R'Us like a scared preggo last weekend….completely overwhelmed by the choices of baby gates and is only able to face down this struggle with the help of some adopted moms.

Why do we all need to adopt-a-mom? It’s quite simple. You are taking on a new job with motherhood. One that you have zero qualifications for. One that you might even be wondering if you’re fit for (fyi – the answer is you’re not, at first). Babies do a lot of things…but they throw curveballs better than a professional baseball player. And mom’s with kids older than yours – they’ve been there.

Sure, every baby is different. Yadda yadda yadda. But setting that aside, the mom you adopt isn’t as sleep deprived or as attached to your baby as you are, therefore, she might think of something that just didn’t occur to you. Also, she is not as emotional about the situation as you are and might help bring some much needed perspective and humor to the crisis.

What sort of qualifications sh0uld you look for when adopting a mom?

-Similar parenting styles. Some are more anal than others. Some are more structured than others. You must adopt a mom who has a similar approach as yours.
- A proven track record. When did they get their baby to sleep through the night? How did they handle naps? Now. Don’t go challenging a mom who has achieved more than you by virtue of having an older child. But if her kid still isn’t sleeping through the night by 12 months…well…Kitty time recommends you adopt another mom.
- A good sense of humor. You need to adopt a mom who will make you laugh when you need it, particularly if you don’t know it.

Kitty-time feels that there is too much negative banter out there about mommy wars, stay-at-home moms ridiculing working moms, etc etc. All of that is nonsense. We only judge those with a bad fashion sense and Republicans here at Kitty-time. We don’t judge working moms or stay-at-home moms. So, in an effort to counter some of that negative mom-against-mom speak – I will be the first to tell you that I couldn’t have survived the beginning without the mom’s that I adopted. OF course, my own mother is one of the first ones I adopted. But there were others…I learned invaluable tricks and they provided me the reassurance that everything would workout in the end. I needed that.

And so..go forth dear readers….and adopt-a-mom. I guarantee, she’ll be glad to help.